Food for Tropes

What makes anime such a delectable delight to consume? 🖥🤨

For long-time experts of the entertainment medium, answering that question may feel like a piece of cake. I mean, even if I don't consider myself on that level, I can still offer my two cents with ease. Then again, those who aren't fluent in the art form may not have an answer. 🤔

Access to anime has gotten easier thanks to streaming services, unlike the early 1990s, when there were only local TV broadcasts and physical copies. Crunchyroll and Funimation (now under one company) seemed to be the only major English-language global distributors by the early 2000s. Now, streaming services like Amazon Prime Video and Netflix have diversified the market with exclusive titles. Lately, Disney+ has stated its aim to expand its library with original anime series. 🍥🐁

Such a positive development helped shed the outdated stigma that "anime is a Saturday morning cartoon." With millennials occupying the adult demographic, those who follow anime aren't sneered at as nerds anymore. They grew up watching anime and have continued to do so. Even when some ARE technically nerds, being an anime fan is no longer considered an embarrassing act. Nevertheless, that still doesn't mean everyone watches anime. 😅🤷🏻‍♂️

Of course, I'm not here to ramble about that. That topic is worth a separate think tank, to which I don't feel I have the minimum expertise to pull off. Instead, I'm focusing on my answer to the initial question. Although anyone might have guessed what that answer is, based on the title of this post alone. 😋🥪

(Source: Tonsuki 2 Episode 6)

Alluding Appetizer

Food has always been a part of my life. And, no, I'm not trying to sugarcoat the basic fact that it's one of the essentials for living beings. I'm talking about my upbringing. After all, it's not wrong to say that, growing up, my family's livelihood revolved around food. Or cooking, if I should be more precise. 🍽👩🏻‍🍳

Having immediate and extended family members who are/were great cooks further added to the recipe. Whenever we had annual celebrations or family gatherings, restaurant-purchased meals did not warrant many plates. In general, we tend to prepare everything at home. Oh, what tasty times those were! 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦🍱

Therefore, if you sneak a peek at my phone, you may notice how I have plenty of food photos. I'm sure my friends would gladly attest to that insufferable habit, as I've often shared those "cruel" savory snapshots. If I'm ever active on Instagram, food will probably flood my feed. What else? Hahaha. 🤳🏻👀

Besides, my YouTube history already consists of culinary-related channels. Whether it's legendary cooking guides like Chef John's Foodwishes and Cooking with Dog, story-driven variants like Max Miller's Tasting History and Dianxi Xiaoge's Yunnan living, or restaurant(-I-may-never-visit) reviews like DancingBacons, TabiEats, and Japaneats, anything food-related is my daily consumption. 🤤     

Well, were I blessed with a bottomless barrel of resources (time, tools, ingredients, space, etc.), I probably would've started my own food-themed channel, too. Then again, I have no cooking knowledge. And the best role I could fill is nothing but a kitchen assistant. So, maybe, I might've ended up as yet another traveling foodie? 🙄🛫

At this point, observant readers may be wondering. What does that nostalgia nonsense have anything to do with anime? 😐💭

Soup for Senses

Due to my art-based project—which will officially conclude for this year tomorrow—new anime titles have once again occupied my schedule. I need them as a reference anyway. Since I haven't been in the anime cycle/circle for quite some time, the first thing that clouded my mind was, "But what new show should I watch?" 🤔👀

Hilariously, this was the choice recommended directly to my face by the ever-spying Google:

(Source: MAPPA Channel)

Does that look exciting? The premise of Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi (Campfire Cooking in Another World with My Absurd Skill) is a familiar theme delivered with an unusual twist. Often abbreviated by fans as Tonsuki, the series centers around Tsuyoshi Mukouda, a salaryman transported to another world. While others who came alongside him unearthed impressive Role-Playing Game skill sets, Mukouda was shockingly "stuck" with a low-level, "laughable" ability. Online Grocery! 😲🛍️

I admit, the Isekai (meaning Another World) genre isn't usually my thing. Medieval RPG ranks the same in my preference scorecard. So, there was immediate hesitation before I decided to give Tonsuki a go. Also, the one currently airing is Season 2. Thus, I must travel in time to check out the prequel first. Oh, Nooo! 😩😪

 

Much to my surprise, that's not a decision I would ever regret. True to the title, despite the unusual approach, Tonsuki is still a COOKING ANIME! So, I chomped down the entire Season 1 like someone who just ended a hunger strike! 🤯🤩

My speed was definitely not as fast as Fel, Sui, and Dora-chan finishing Mukouda's homemade meals or delivery takeouts, since I could only watch it during breaks. The fact that I wrapped it up very quickly proved how enjoyable this show is, though, at least to my taste buds. Now I have no choice but to wait each week for a new Season 2 episode. 😅📅

Sure, I won't argue that PETA would probably have a field day criticizing the continuous carnivorous feasts. Furthermore, this show is basically a gigantic but not shameless product placement. After all, the branded sauces ARE ingredients, and the ad revenue most likely helps boost the animated quality. Thanks to that, the animation very rarely feels subpar. 🤩🖥

On top of that, the meals on Tonsuki almost always look mouthwatering. That's because of the method MAPPA deployed to assemble the cooking scene. Here's another example that should visually support what I just said:

(Source: MAPPA Channel)

A Salad of Selection

Watching Tonsuki brought an enlightening epiphany. No, not the philosophical kind, of course. It made me realize a pattern: "Cooking anime is a frequent item on my watch list, eh?" 😱

On a broader scope, the list has even included food-fronted manga-to-anime titles that don't involve cooking. Maybe it's about baking/pastry or drinks, like a café, teashop, and surprisingly bars! Something completely detached from any kitchen kerfuffle but still revolves around food, such as the Ramen-focused series Ramen Daisuki Koizumi-san (Ms. Koizumi Loves Ramen Noodles), is another must-watch. That's pretty much a fictional documentary of iconic ramen styles! 😁🍜

(Source: Anime Supreme)

Basically, my anime preferences mirror my YouTube history! The difference is that this history preceded the online video service. A trip down memory lane reminded me of one title that, if memory serves, was my first appetizer to the culinary/gourmet genre. 🧒🏻👨🏻‍🍳

Mister Ajikko exposed me to the magic of cooking anime, including the notorious exaggerated expressions. I'm sure the judges of competition shows (MasterChef, Iron Chef, and others) would roll their eyes upon seeing anime characters react to food in these anime. Sometimes I join that bandwagon, too, whenever the scene feels too over-the-top embarrassing. 😅🤦🏻‍♂️

That's one of the reasons I'm still wary of watching Shokugeki no Souma (commonly known as Food Wars!). The spicy salacious innuendo is too much for me! Still, whether foodgasm is humanly possible or not, we like it or not, the colorful commentaries add charm to the shows. If anything, it makes for a satisfying sense-shocker. 🥵🤯

(Source: Nightmare Awakened)

Since I already namedropped several titles, I might as well share more of what I considered memorable. 😅

Tonsuki isn't the only gourmet anime of the season. Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi (Kakuriyo: Bed and Breakfast for Spirits, often shortened to Kakuriyo) took me by surprise. It tells the story of a college student, Aoi Tsubaki, who was somehow spirited away into the youkai world by an imposing but cool ogre. It turns out her late grandfather, Shirou Tsubaki, promised the ogre that Aoi would be his bride, as payment for Shirou's debt. Inheriting Shirou's bravery, Aoi refused and decided to open an eatery, selling homemade human meals to pay the ogre. 👰👹

With the mention of Isekai and food, I would be remiss not to mention the two seasons of Isekai Shokudou (Restaurant in Another World). IseShoku for short. This on-the-nose title centers on a western restaurant, Nekoya, which has a unique, mysterious business shift. 👨🏻‍🍳🍱

During the workdays, Nekoya is an unassuming dining place located in Tokyo. However, on weekends, a rare doorway to another world appears inside the restaurant. So, even though the restaurant is closed, it's actually open for residents of that other space. IseShoku is popular. Rumor has it that a third season is in production, thanks to its positive response. The light novel source has more than enough material for more adaptation, anyway. 🔁🏞

Another show, Isekai Izakaya: Koto Aitheria no Izakaya Nobu (Isekai Izakaya: Nobu, the Japanese Pub in the Ancient City of Aitheria), or just Izakaya Nobu, functions similarly. This show is about Nobuyuki Yazawa, a Kyoto-based bar owner, and his waitress Shinobu Senke, who end up serving the residents of Aitheria, a singular city in another world. Not only does it have a fixed geographical setting, but an Izakaya is basically a Japanese bar. That combination puts this title's menu somewhat distinct from the previous example. Each food must complement beers here! 🧆🍻 

The final mention completely removes the Isekai concept. Nonetheless, I won't disagree if anyone states Rokuhou-dou Yotsuiro Biyori (Rokuhou-dou: A Pleasant Day in Four Colors) feels a bit Isekai. The architectural style of the traditional Japanese tea house/café, surrounded by those enchanting bamboo trees, gives a somewhat mystical vibe. It's as if it transports customers into ancient Japan. 🍣🎑

In this show, four dashing men (including one Italian barista) manage the business. The unofficial leader is Kyousui Tougoku, a cat fanatic. Kyousui quit his prestigious job to run the shop his late grandfather had left him. 🐈☕️

(Source: TV Anime Rokuhou-dou Yotsuiro Biyori)

Besides those, there are other shows with unique, even niche themes, that involve food as well. While I haven't seen some of them for various reasons, they have amassed a strong fanbase. 

Chuuka Ichiban (Cooking Master Boy) takes place in 19th-century China, centering on Mao, who travels around the country to become a Super Chef. That setting pretty much explains what kind of cuisine this series explores. Piace: Watashi no Italian (Piacevole! My Italian Cooking) is a series of shorts about a part-time waiter at Trattoria Festa, an obvious Italian restaurant. 🥡🍝

If the real world seems too basic, Toriko is undeniably a bolder, braver shounen-styled version of Tonsuki. The show explores its infamous titular character's journey to find ingredients in an outlandish era called the Gourmet Age. Emiya-san Chi no Kyou no Gohan (Today's Menu for the Emiya Family) is a slice-of-life spinoff of Fate/stay night. It focuses on Shirou Emiya, who buys groceries and prepares meals for the other characters. 🥩🥘

On that note, fancy more homemade dishes? Cooking Papa and Amaama to Inazuma (Sweetness and Lightning) are good options. The former is an old-school title showcasing Kazumi Araiwa's passionate effort to cook for his journalist wife and their son. Meanwhile, the latter tells a single father, Kouhei Inuzuka, who must raise his daughter Tsumugi. Nutritional troubles prompt Inuzuka to ask his student, Kotori Iida, to help them cook. There's also Maiko-san Chi no Makanai-san (Kiyo in Kyoto: From the Maiko House). It's a story from the perspective of Kiyo Nozuki, an aspiring maiko who ends up as a live-in cook in a maiko house instead. 🥪⛩

Futari Solo Camp, currently airing, is predominantly an animated camping guide. Even so, one of the two leads, Shizuku Kusano, is a chef. Preparing food was how she somehow infiltrated a camping session of a solitary camper, Gen Kinokura. Eventually, they formed The Odd Couple combo. Yuru Camp (Laid-Back Camp) is similar, but as a group setting. Craving bread or pastry instead? Yakitate!! Japan, Yumeiro Pâtissière (Yumeiro Patissiere), and Bonjour♪Koiaji Pâtisserie (Bonjour♪Sweet Love Patisserie) may satiate that palate. 🏕🍞

Message in a Main Course

Indeed, there's more to those titles than just cooking or food. Anime, like any other storytelling-based entertainment, threads through tropes. Both definitions of the word, in fact! ✌🏻😉

(Source: Oregon State University School of Writing, Literature and Film)

Over-the-top Food Glorification, as described earlier, is a trope. Characters that are Bad Female Cook, Lethal Chef, or Chef of Iron? Those are also familiar tropes we can often see. 🤪👀

Focus on food flourishes across and beyond the genre itself. Even anime titles that aren't food-related give extra attention to the presentation of meals. Take a look at One Piece and see how drool-worthy Sanji's cooking can be. An episode of Egao no Taenai Shokuba desu (A Mangaka's Weirdly Wonderful Workplace) used a neatly presented Nasi Goreng to explain how a manga cover designer works. Not that it's weird, though. Food is an art form of its own, and anime is, well, art. They are two peas in a pod. 🥗🖼

If we analyse that angle even further, one may also argue that the general cooking or gourmet genre itself is a recurring pattern that people feel familiarity with. Hence, a trope! In this case, the genre is embracing the second definition: "a figure of speech, a metaphor." 🗣🌬

(Source: Egao no Taenai Shokuba desu. Episode 8)

The more fascinating part is that, in anime, food serves more than just for sustenance. Meals often function as a plot tool. Behind the scenes, the writers and artists of these titles have already demonstrated their ability to weave, mix, and match food/cooking with another genre. The result is a mash-up of minced magnificence. Thanks to that, the cuisines presented aren't simply a random accessory. But they feed into a storytelling factor in each episode. They symbolize and represent emotions, growth, and even strength. 🌼💪

Kakuriyo makes good use of this method. It may be a supernatural romance drama. However, home cooking simmers as a vital ingredient. That's how Aoi could find her place, power, and purpose in a realm so foreign and fearsome to her. Seeing her meals open hearts and reconnect broken bonds is addictively endearing. Even when the animation quality was arguably so-so, GONZO never failed to make the meals look fine. 🤓🤤

The currently airing Season 2, Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Ni, rolls into a more complicated political territory. But it maintains food as the heart, while expanding beyond the Japanese scope of Oden, Temari Sushi, and the ever-picturesque Washoku. As Aoi travels to other unseen regions in the realm, she fittingly introduces more Western tastes, such as hamburgers, unique delicacies like Borscht, and even sweets like Macarons. There's a new rival character specializing in Wagashi, too. Sure, incorporating food mission doesn't always blend seamlessly. Its assurance that a good meal can break the ice is as charming as ever, though. 😌🍙

(Source: Kakuriyo Ni Episode 1)

At face value, Tonsuki itself is an action-comedy RPG. Think a fusion of Pokémon and, perhaps, Octopath Traveler? But considering Mukouda, just like Aoi, is a human trapped in another world, anything he cooks grants an exclusive power boost to the natives of another world. 🌏🌚

Currently airing its second season as well, Tonsuki enters a glow-up stage where Mukouda raises his cooking level by using ovens and grills. The opening sequence hints that he may soon add seafood to the tray, too! As a character, he's growing and gaining new skills, much like his ever-gluttonous familiars. 🔥✨

Unlike Kakuriyo, the philosophical resonance of food may not be as profound in Tonsuki. Then again, his meticulous meals have helped broaden his network, attracting familiars and friends alike. More importantly, it proves his underestimated skill is an asset all along. I personally would NEVER mind having his convenient skill! 🤑💰

Speaking of skill, while fiery gourmet competition titles like Ajikko and Food Wars teach their audience about perseverance and confidence, series like IseShoku and Izakaya Nobu take food or drinks to a gentle, social angle. They've transformed into a melting pot of tropes where customers of various stereotypes meet and mingle over memorable meals. 🧑‍🤝‍🧑🤝👭

(Source: Anime Supreme)

Dragons of all colors? A legendary samurai and hardworking reptilian village leader? Royalties from a desert kingdom and a group of pixies? IseShoku doesn't discriminate against anyone and welcomes all. 🐉👳🏽

Each guest comes in with a usually predictable backstory. In the episodes, the curious customers find cozy comfort once they enter the elusive door and let their guard down inside the restaurant. Sometimes they run into kindred spirits who share a love for specific meals. Regardless of their differences, they dine and interact heartily. We live in an era when petty, pointless reasons tend to divide humanity. So, seeing unity perseveres in IseShoku or Izakaya Nobu is inspiring. 😌💞

Rokuhou-dou, Bartender: Kami no Glass (Bartender: Glass of God, a second adaptation after Bartender), and, to a lesser extent, Shirokuma Café, take that influence more personally. These serve as the classic iyashikei presentation. The featured cuisine generally brings clarity, if not peace of mind, to the troubled customers. Dining there allows them to let go of their worries and leave the establishment as a stronger individual. That give-and-take equally affects the main characters. And the "healed" customer usually returns with more people who need a similar release. 🍷💙

Series like Rokuhou-dou aren't flashy or extravagant in any way. The calm and mature vibe may not be everyone's cup of tea. Quite literally, as the lead, Kyousui cannot even cook, and only knows how to brew tea! But that teahouse tenderness sure touches my old soul's, uhm, soul. It sends a mindful message that can be uplifting to those who can relate. 🍵🧡

Much like my past family experience, good food brings people together. These titles remarkably remind me of that warmth. Like a gentle "It'll be all right" hug. 🤗💛

(Source: Anime Supreme)

Delicate but Delightful like a Dessert

And that's one of the (but not the only) appetizing appeals that make anime a delight. Or, should I say, one of the many possible answers to my opening question? 📜😉

Anime offers a variety of unexpected flavors through the genres. Even the cooking/gourmet side, as already served above, is chock-full of menu items that please distinct demographics. Every season sees the release of continuations and new titles, often making it hard to keep up. 📋👀

The fairest comparison I could think of is: anime is a regular TV drama delivered in animated format. In the sense that not all will please one's preference. Generally, though, a title or two would work well enough to capture our attention. There's one for everyone. Before we know it, we're already watching the entire first season and are currently halfway through season 2! 😂🧏🏻‍♂️

Moreover, gourmet is simply one genre. Don't get me started on sports-themed anime! I mean, seriously, please don't, because it's not a personal favorite! I wouldn't know what to say! Hahaha. For every long-running mainstream action title like Naruto or Dragon Ball, there's a diverse representation of other fields. Swimming, diving, cycling, or marathon? Anime titles exploring those stories exist. Rom-coms or just slapstick comedies featuring a range of convoluted circumstances? The list for that one is abundant. Horror, fantasy, psychology, parody? A show about a dictionary even exists! 👻🏊🏻‍♀️👍🏻

But please don't feel that's too much on the plate. Culinary aficionados may find the titles I've mentioned here serving as a quick start. Perhaps they might surprise with their complex storytelling or pleasing visuals. Or, they can inspire ideas for the cooking lab. 🤭👌

And if I may, I suggest watching those cooking anime while eating something. Sometimes, the vivid visuals will make a simple jam sandwich feel more delectable than it should! 😝🥪

Well, I hope this post hasn't been a mouthful. Here's a cherry on top, just in case. 🍨🍒😉 

(Source: Crunchyroll)

Framing an Imbalanced Harmony

(Source: Randy Newman)

Anyone who's a moviegoer, if not a certified cinephile, or listens to the radio, if not an avid audiophile, will most likely know the song above. At the very least, it's a familiar sound they must have heard somewhere, somehow. After all, it's a classic, timeless tune that's just tenderly heartfelt. Often, the laid-back melodies and lyrical message hit us right in the feels. 🎶💘

"If you've got troubles, and I've got 'em too

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you

We stick together, we can see it through

'Cause you've got a friend in me"

— Randy Newman, "You’ve Got a Friend in Me" (1995)

Those lines, in particular, speak of the enduring loyalty and bond that Sheriff Woody Pride and Buzz Lightyear have shared for 30 years. 🤠🤝👨🏻‍🚀 

Personally, the iconic theme evokes a bittersweet nostalgia for the bygone days. A relic of a timid time and calm connection that are no longer here! But what do you think of it? Do you agree with the story of friendship that the song serenades? Or perhaps, contrary to the general notion, you feel that it's somewhat unrealistic and too good to be true? 😨🤷🏻‍♂️

You're not alone in thinking that way. On the one hand, the idealized lines sound inspiring and, in some cases, aren't illusory. But on the other hand, not everyone has the luxury of living them in reality. The inquisitive question is: Do those sentences go both ways, from the singer to and fro the listener (much like Woody and Buzz)? Or is it merely a one-way trip (much like Woody and his first owner, Andy)? 🤔

An Imbalanced Reality

Last month, I explored the imperfect notion of finding balance. To reiterate, the definition of perfection always depends on the doers. Regardless, balance remains a necessary essence everyone should strive for, such as ensuring a proper divide between our daily work and life juggles. It should apply to human connections, either in friendship or in a relationship, too. Theoretically, that is. 😐💭

As written on that post, being a part of human nature, we tend to pursue perfection. Boosted by societal demand or pressure, we're inspired and often pushed to do so. To seek friends, lovers, and lifelong partners who are perfect. Still, the stark reality is that chasing such a grand idea of a perfect connection may not be realistic. In many cases, it could end up drifting us into dangerous waters. Just like the characters in Jurassic World: Rebirth! ⛵️🦖

The more I ponder, wonder, and yonder on that idea, the more curious I've become about one analysis. Can ANY human connection, run and riddled with flawed human nature, ever form a balanced bond? Mutual is possible, no doubt. A balanced one, though? Hmmmm. Add to that the question about the song earlier, and the matter gets murkier. 🤔⁉️

(Source: Psych2Go)

Such a thought only reminds me of the many, not just one or two, posts I've read online, lamenting about how they are "tired of always being the one to initiate dialogue" or "it hurts not to be treated kindly, even though I have given everything to them." Maybe, as you're reading this, your inner heart equally whispers, "Yes, that's me!" I'm not ashamed to admit I've boarded that ship as well. 🙄😓

Besides watching the Psych2Go video above, try to scroll through the comment section. Well, through any psychology-themed videos centering on connection, actually. You'll realize a pattern that screams one shared fact. People yearn to feel loved. That's why they work hard, often too hard, to care for or love others. Regrettably, they get less or even nothing in return. 💔😩

We don't even need to look hard for more examples. Observe the people around you, and you'll notice that. In one dynamic or another, the weight tends to tilt to one side. Whether among friends or couples, there's always an active party and a passive member. In short, imbalanced connections persist. Furthermore, there are plenty. 🙅🏻‍♂️🙆🏻‍♀️

An Influx of Care

Those are the classic cases of people who care too much. It's a type that spreads everywhere across the planet, as illustrated by various examples in real life and fiction. 💫🌏

Haru, the lead character in the stop-motion Pokémon Concierge, is one example. "The way she always puts the needs of others first is something I've never seen before," her supervisor, Ms. Watanabe, praised in Episode 8. Similarly, Touru Honda from the renowned shoujo manga Fruits Basket consistently puts the needs and feelings of others. She even lived in a tent after her mother's death to avoid burdening her grandfather. 🥺🙏

One Piece's resident doctor, Tony Tony Chopper, has a noble dream to "cure every disease." More importantly, he goes to extreme lengths for his friends. One of his memorable lines even proclaimed, "If I can be of any help, I'll even become a real monster!" And let's not forget this intense character from Parks and Recreation with his iconic, incurable "medical condition." 👏😳

(Source: Parks and Recreation)

Why are there so many cases of these selfless people, though? Well, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI for short, but you likely already know that 😅) may have the answer. Look, I get it. Not everyone agrees with the popular psychology test because it’s pseudoscience. That's fair. Even so, the system does give a hint as to why some people care too much. It classifies not one but two personality types that fit such a tendency. And their naming and symbolism alone probably already speak volumes. 🧡👍🏻

First is ESFJ, the Consul or Caregiver who's generally depicted as a Parental or Guardian figure. The second is none other than ISFJ, the Defender or Protector, who's generally depicted as a Nurse. ESFJ people are natural caring altruists who take responsibilities seriously to give back, serve others, and do the right thing. Meanwhile, ISFJ people are supposedly the mothers or eldest siblings of their groups who would go to great lengths for the people they care about. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧👨‍⚕️ 

The biggest downside of those two "people-centered" types? An ESFJ often gives all of themselves to others, risking emotional exhaustion or burnout. An ISFJ spares no effort to help others, a strong value that can lead to self-sacrificing acts, considering their inner drive to put others' needs above their own. 💝💖

Even though they are clearly different in how they gain their energy (the extroverted one from people, the other from solitude), their traits are very similar that it can be hard to tell them apart. Both shine through their natures: loyal, thoughtful, attentive, and selfless. They strive to maintain harmony and may avoid conflict, sometimes at the expense of their needs or by suppressing unhappy feelings. Deeply sensitive, they take things personally, either by being critical or repressing emotions. 🧺💛

Unsurprisingly, a study in November 2024 once again ranked ESFJ and ISFJ among the top three (alongside the dependable ISTJ) most common types in the US. Combined, they make up 26.1%, or more than a quarter. The numbers in other countries vary, but are generally still high. 🌎📊

So, if anyone ever wondered why the world seems full of people who give and give and give? Well, thank the ISFJs and ESFJs for that. They’re everywhere, and caring is practically their second language. Alas, from a different perspective, now it starts to make more sense why so many people are simply wired to care too much, huh? 😲🤦‍♂️

An Introspective Analysis

Is that the sole reason why some people care too much? The answer to that is a definite no. MBTI is simply one lens of looking at this situation. 🔍👀

The human mind is a complex mine of mystery to excavate. Considering each individual is unique and different from another, there's never a fixed one-for-all explanation for why certain people behave in a specific way. Otherwise, the Psychology field wouldn't have been as necessary and complex as we know it. Fascinating shows like Brilliant Minds, House M.D., and Monk, or movies like Marvel Studios' Thunderbolts*, Inside Out, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind wouldn't have existed. 📽🖥

(Source: TheTinySage)

Pure selfless people, as in all-out ultimate caregivers, exist and might have been born that way. These individuals, who I think are quite rare, are living angels on Earth whose calling and passion are to serve others. Mother Teresa, Pope Francis, and divine inspirations like Siddhartha Gautama and Jesus of Nazareth come to mind. Of course, I might be wrong, as I never met them in person. But their work and devotion to others speak for themselves. As TheTinySage words it, these people have a heart that "loves loudly in a world that listens quietly." 🙏🏻👂🏻

It's also possible that some are shaped to be selfless because of the circumstances around them. Such situations shifted their mindset from looking inward to outward. We've seen or read stories of little kids becoming their disabled parents' caretakers early on. They mature much faster than they should. Before they know it, they've exhibited parental traits that lead them toward being there for others beyond themselves. 👶🏻👨🏻

Speaking of parenting, others might have developed similar caregiving traits through their uneasy upbringing. Hold on. Isn't that ironic? Not really. Alain de Botton of The School of Life frequently examines this notion. In this scenario, the parents are alive and well, but one or both are emotionally unavailable. De Botton's analysis notes that those who are neglected or treated poorly as children tend to develop specific emotions or feelings once they grow up. In Psychology, I believe that's called Attachment Styles. 🙄

(Source: The School of Life)

Absence of attention may lead them to care so much for others. People who do so, in most cases, know how it feels to be ignored and stranded without help. That's why they can go to unexpected lengths to support others. In a way, caring becomes an unconscious second nature because they were never cared for. Like the video above posited, it could be an attempted rescue in progress as they assume the role of a "compulsive caregiver." 💓⛔️

The bitter truth is that not everyone understands them or can see their actions through their eyes. Likewise, the issue arises if (or when) someone who cares too much rendezvous with their hidden childhood pain. A desire to be loved and noticed that they never received! 💔😔

When that happens, their action may have also been their unconscious way to silently whisper, not shout, "I'm here. See, me. Notice me." But it comes with an unusual denial, since they never experienced one before. It's accompanied by hesitance, as they've trained themselves that expressing their desires may push their loved ones away. They don't want to be bothersome, a nuisance, or a "real pain." And what happens then, if that degree of attention they crave isn't reciprocated? 💕✋🏻

Such a situation becomes an imbalanced tightrope. Eventually, it builds up to a severe burnout that may snap the rope as soon as the weight gets too heavy. In many unfortunate cases, that table-turning moment may drastically transform these caring people into their complete opposite. Or they just walk away, silently but surely, without warning, thinking that nobody would notice. 🚶🏻💬

(Source: TheTinySage)

An Insightful Angle to Consider

A different angle may frame that non-existent mutualism. It lies in a certainty I often cite as a reminder to myself and others. 

Different people have distinct personalities.

First, it's been a common case among people who care too much to pursue the unavailable. A curious custom, you say? I agree! Unfortunately, it's real and explains why numerous relationships or connections don't gel as smoothly as they seem on paper. They're caring for the ones who don't. 😍👻

Some people don't even realize that's the case until the truth zaps them like thunder somewhere down the line. A regional high-profile celebrity couple just announced their separation after almost a decade of marriage. The reason? Reports revealed the wife was "emotionally unavailable" while the husband is the "avoidant" type. 😟🤷‍♂️

Avoidant here refers to one of the attachment styles I mentioned above. There are four types: one Secure, and three insecure (Avoidant, Anxious, Disorganized). See? Even that classification already lacks balance. For every Anxious type who's preoccupied with the desire to love and be loved, there are two Avoidants who dismiss that closeness or escape from it as a coping mechanism. Put them in one room, and it's not exactly a steady standing. ⚖️🙅‍♀️

If I use MBTI to explain this, it's akin to how ESFJs and ISFJs would focus too much on cleaning the messes of other types. That harmless act can be problematic in an ironic way. After all, other types do NOT think or act the same way as the SFJ duo. They have their unique styles in showing care. If the SFJs aren't aware of that, they might assume other types don't care for them in return.

"Sometimes we treat the people we care about as representations of ourselves. We want to mold them into what we need them to be so that our lives can be more comfortable."

—Oliver Wolf, Brilliant Minds (S02E04)

How about seeing it from the Love Languages angle? Mismatched care languages also factor in a disjointed perception. The manga-to-anime Ame to Kimi to shows a gentle example of this. In episode 2, Fuji, the introverted main character, repeatedly avoided her father, Tatsuo, who wanted to visit her. Tatsuo is a blatant example of someone who cares too much, with his frequent visits to check on Fuji and bearing gifts of all sorts. 😎🤦🏻‍♀️

Tatsuo's care language is highly likely to be Quality Time and Gifts. Meanwhile, Fuji's is an Act of Services. At a glance, they seem to show an odd dynamic, seemingly alluding to how Fuji doesn't like him. However, Fuji's primary school neighbor, a perceptive mixed-German girl, Kii, noticed something more upon seeing Fuji and Tatsuo's interaction. 😏🤭

"You didn't want to see your dad, because you didn't want to worry him. That shows you're sweet. I'm sure of it."

— Kii, Ame to Kimi to (Episode 2)  

Later on, the series further examines the different types through Fuji's friends since high school, Mimi and Ren, with their varying personalities. Of course, this is a fictional story, so the trio gets along well. But imagine if either of these characters expects the others to return care in the way they do. For example, Mimi takes it negatively that Fuji always declines invitations for a group beach trip or never lets her read Fuji's novel. That would have created conflict and tension. Right?

(Source: CrunchyRoll)

I once interacted with a lady who had just undergone a serious health procedure. She expressed her sadness that none of her friends visited or helped during her recovery. It made her feel like she had no true friends, despite always being there for others through ups and downs. 🤕😰

Annoyingly enough, some folks started placing "blame" on her for not speaking up or reaching out to her friends. "How would they know that you need them?" they argued. To be fair, it's not an incorrect suggestion. Even if it could be worded more nicely. 😬🙄

Here's the thing. The lady eventually revealed she did have someone she considers a best friend who lives a few hours away. So, I encouraged her to give her best friend a casual call, just to say hi. It might help remind her that she's not alone. Her response, however, only proved how her selfless persona was noble, but also a hurdle. "She has kids to take care of. And she had plenty of things to handle. I wouldn't want to burden her and make her worry," the lady affirmed. That's why she chose to wait in silence. For a support that never came. 💔😞

"It's easy to assume that everyone is just okay, but sometimes... they just aren't."

—Charles-Haden Savage, Only Murders in the Building (S05E09).

Just to be clear, I'm not saying that the people who care too much are at fault. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be cared for, loved, or at least seen the same way, especially if they have always been a center of one. It just means they are humans whose depository can run out. ✋🏻😲

Yet, at the same time, it may not be the recipient of their care's fault either. They operate in their own rhythm. Perhaps their hands are tied up by studies or work. The “lack of care” isn't automatically a sure sign they don't. As such, should we even play the blame game here? 👉🏻🤔👈🏻

There's a lesson in those examples. What's missing is often the wisdom and understanding of other people's unique character and situation. Silence and distance can be a form of care. But that doesn't work for everyone. Often, a gentle nudge wouldn't hurt and may be appreciated. They're not psychics who can read our minds, and we don't know theirs either. Some people over-function, while others under-function. That's just how it is. Without communication, a connection can fall apart. 👍🏻👎🏻

An Inner Harmony

By realizing, knowing, and accepting how others behave or think, we can train ourselves to manage our expectations accordingly. Over time, it may also clear out excess doubt about whether they care for us equally or not. Spoiler alert: some silently do. Some simply don't. 😌🙄

People can change, especially if they're willing and open to the idea or if their situation demands it. The majority, however, can't, don't, and won't. Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist, blatantly wrote that the latter forms a heaping number of NINETY-FIVE percent of the population, not just her clients. That's only five percent short of everyone! 😱

Hence, expecting others to change—more so to fit the image in one's mind—may be futile. It might be like wanting a frog to jump over the moon. The ones who care do care, even if they have other ways of showing it. But the ones who don't care won't care, even if we jump over the moon for them. They are who they are; there's no reshaping their mold. 😇😈

A wiser approach, should you choose to accept it (cue Mission Impossible theme song dun, dun, dun-dun), is to start the change from within instead. To start with the one in the mirror (literally speaking, not a late Halloween horror hint here 👻). After all, that's the one thing everyone has full authority to control. ☝🏻🤗

By all means, please DON'T read that as a push to start shapeshifting into a cold or ruthless person! I've witnessed many previously caring people go down that route. They've become too jaded and chose to close their hearts for good, not letting anyone else in anymore. 🙇🏻😫

Can't say I blame them. Heck, I used to be one. 😐🤷🏻‍♂️

So, why care at all, you probably wonder? Because this world, our shared space, has gotten so dark that it greatly needs more genuine care and kindness. 😞🙏🏻

Furthermore, the thought of losing our benevolent virtue just because of the disjointed way others treat us breaks my heart. It means tearing down our inner nature in the process. With the same logic I stated above: Why should we be the ones changing for their sake? Why are we becoming a carbon copy of them? Why dim the light that makes us shine? ✋🏻😥

(Source: Google Gemini. Inspired by Oscar Wilde's "The Happy Prince")

My suggestion may sound weird, but please, DON'T STOP CARING. The change I'm referring to here is not about our personalities. It means taking proactive steps to shift OUR MINDSET from "caring too much" into "caring more wisely." Think of it as a way to have the best of both worlds. We can stay caring as always, but without feeling the pain that follows. 🙏🏻

How to do that? It lies in the way we shape our responses in a situation and redirect our focus. Practice self-restraint to know when, where, and how much care we should pour for others. And do that in moderation! That's called Stoic Philosophy.

Another viable method is to balance it out. If our past tendency is to give 100% of our time and resources to help or support others, how about splitting that percentage of care into a different equation? Say, 50% for others, and 50% for someone who also needs it: ourselves! That way, we don't lose who we are in the process. We care but also receive the care we need in return, even if only from ourselves (for now). Putting ourselves first isn't selfish. 🤗😌

Let's also try to stop making excuses and embrace the people around us for who they are. Trust your gut feeling and listen closely. Often, it already senses the kind of people we're dealing with. We never expect a fish to fly when we know they can only swim. If we desire a juicy fruit on top of a tall tree, we wouldn't hold out hope that an oceanic fish will do the task for us. Right? 🌲🦈

On that note, let's also understand and teach ourselves one glaring inevitability: Our care may often be one-sided, and THAT'S OKAY. To know full well, with a clear conscience, that NOT everyone will, may, or can reciprocate similarly in the way we expect or assume. We care in one way, and others in their own. Asymmetry in emotional expression isn't a bad thing. Imbalance becomes an art, too. 🌞🌚

More importantly, remember that we have the agency to choose WHO can receive our care. If we have so much care to give, how about channeling our abundance of care to the homeless, the unprivileged kids, or other humanitarian causes? They need compassion and kindness, but rarely receive them, too. 😌💞

Keep an open mind and expand our lines of sight. Different recipients may need or deserve our care better. These people are probably not in our train of life right now. But they will board the carriage at the next station. Or, hear me out, we might have met them already! Yet we've unconsciously dismissed their presence. We were too busy fixating on the broken and bad batches or chasing the ones who can't and don't choose us. 😳🤦🏻‍♂️

Stay kind and caring! Keep our inner harmony alive, even when it feels out of balance at times. So, when life finally directs us to our people, our tribe, the rare ones who are also overlooked, they can recognize our presence from those compassionate chords in our hearts. If we stop caring, how would they resonate and complete our melody? 🎼🎶 

(Source: CaroleKingVEVO)