According to Oxford Languages (as in, a quick search on the search engine 😏), the word "Busy" refers to:
- Having a great deal to do
- Occupied with or concentrating on a particular activity or object of attention.
- Keep occupied
I think anyone on the planet is familiar with the word, maybe as soon as they understand the concept of time or schedule. Even little toddlers may claim they are busy with something. Usually, they imbibe or imprint the four-letter combo from their parents who utter a random comment such as, "Oh, he is busy playing by himself." Kids soon pick up the line and BOOM, it turns into their catchphrase. Naturally, the level of "busy" intensifies as a person grows older. It becomes part of our routine, whether we enjoy it or not. 😅😖
Yes, you can say this piece serves as a spiritual follow-up to my previous post about nostalgia. After all, in it, I described how my late Dad was always busy. And, no doubt, that was a genuine fact. He used to bring his work home, and when I was not doing anything or on a school holiday, he would ask me to help him. 👨👐👦📚📁📑
The setting also included his office, as sometimes, he brought me along. Later that day, before we headed home, he would buy me comic books or take me to the famous shopping street nearby to buy something fancy (a new Saint Seiya action figure! A Sega Megadrive Game!). It was basically my reward, for using the calculator to count the numbers on his accounting slips (for the record, he worked at a catering service company for the transportation industry). Regardless of those side trips, I can fully attest, especially now, that I'm older, that his "being busy" was never merely an excuse. Those slips I mentioned? They were a tall stack since the company handled multiple routes at the time. Hence, even my slow-paced assistance was STILL helpful for him. 😨
Much like my recent (which is still ongoing, by the way) nostalgia blast, the memory I described above has been an eye-opening realization. My late Dad being excessively busy? That's an actual fact. Yet, despite it all, he made time for me. Even when he probably would have preferred to head home straight away after work, he took me out to eat tasty noodles (which, sadly, I have yet to experience again) or check out cool video games anyway. Now that I think of it, those simple acts mean a lot! A LOT! 😲😱
That era, as in my transformative years, was not a time when smartphones were yet a thing. For communication, we had to rely on landlines and hand-written/typed letters. But guess what? My late Dad checked up on me from his office, from time to time, asking if I wanted any DVD of Japanese anime he could buy on the way home. 📞💿💽
When we moved to another city as I was entering the university, but my Dad stayed in the capital because he was too attached to his work, my Dad never failed to call us at least once a week. Even though he was still around when the boon of cell phones came, I was too focused on myself to get him one. Oh, the painful regret! 😭
I can vividly imagine. If my Dad were still living among us, he would have mastered text messaging and repeatedly "annoyed" the family with funny videos or memes, sending Dad jokes at any time. How I desire for that to happen, really! That would have been the pleasant annoyance I would treasure all my life. Then again, he might have been a popular person raking followers on social media, considering his social, super sanguine personality. And frankly, I'm not sure how I would feel about that. Hahaha. 😅
That came along with this guilt weighing on my heart. Once it was my turn to enter the workforce, I became "too busy" to the point I didn't make time enough for my late Dad. I was too focused on chasing salary and rainbows that I forgot about the people who were there for me. The ones who truly mattered. Unlike my late Dad, my state of "being busy" was more than a mere fact. It also became an exhausting excuse. How I wish I could turn back time and change that attitude. Or, at least, to remind my younger self back then that his time with Dad was limited. And that he should make the most of that while he still could. 😢😭
Please don't make the same mistake. 😟🙏
I ran into these somewhat contradicting memes on social media as I'm typing this:
(source: Threads)
Okay, perhaps they are not a contradiction but complementing each other. They remind me of this wise word, a snippet written by Rick Warren in his book:
"When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time."
You are probably thinking... 😕
(or not, since the point I'm trying to say is already obvious 😏)
What does that passage have anything to do with the title of this writing? Well, it is simple, really. If someone is busy? That means they don't have much time to spare. That may be an irrefutable fact. However, if they still make time for others despite such a schedule. That means they are giving away the greatest gift. So, yes, in retrospect, all of my life, my late Dad never stopped giving me his irreplaceable gifts. ⌛💝
Sad to say, the time has changed! Nowadays, the word "Busy" has been thrown away too easily as an excuse. The impact might have gotten worse than the way I did it. I've witnessed connections, be it relationships or friendships, leading to conflict, being put at a crossroads, or even meeting a harsh end merely because one or both parties "don't have time" for the other. So disheartening. 😔😩
It's not that I'm judging or anything, blaming them or saying they are not good people, of course. Surely, they have their reason. Whatever that is. Maybe being busy is undeniably, inevitably THE fact on hand? It does, however, make me wonder. Do they really not have a few minutes in a day for the people around them, family or friends? Or does that mean they simply don't care about those other people? 🤔👀😲
I'm not trying to glorify my late Dad. I don't think he would have wanted or liked that. The thing is? I always associated "Busy" with him. So, the fact he always made time for the people he cared about, even if it was scarce, has dawned on me. Being busy does NOT limit one's capacity to care. It should not. ✋😐
The quote I included above led to a further explanation. But this line that followed it directly is already on point with what I just said:
"It is not enough to just say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them."
Maybe that's why I greatly appreciate the people who make time for me, even if just to respond to my weekly text or send me silly memes. I have a pen pal in South America who takes pictures of serene sceneries and fascinating flowers for me whenever he's out on his hike. Other ones from my neighboring countries talk frequently, if not daily, about everyday stuff; instant noodles, holiday plans, our local customs, or whatnot. One friend from Africa likes sending me funny pics about Pokémon, the celebrities we both find fascinating, or travel plans. Another shares photos of his current work on a farm (What a great view! Such a cute calf!) at least once a month, despite the limited internet in that rural area.
Are these people not busy? Nope, they ARE busy people. And likely far busier than me right now. 😳😅
I'm not always, or perhaps, NEVER a pleasant person to be around. My tumultuous emotions often lead me to a dark place, and I can be a handful to interact with. Much like the title of the latest Jesse Eisenberg, Kieran Culkin's co-starring, awkward-but-heart-guttingly-relatable movie proclaims: "A Real Pain." Especially since I have an embedded Mirror Move or Mimic in my set of moves. Maybe, like one of my favorites, Corviknight, Mirror Armor is my hidden ability (bear with me. I speak Pokémon 😅). In simple words: You smile at me? I smile, too! You punch me? I punch back. You say nothing? I do the same for you. 😇👿🙆🙅
Therefore, the fact that these people never left me out cold, stranded in the vast swamp we named the internet, says A LOT. It makes me feel appreciated. Nope, honestly, words could not describe how embarrassingly thankful I feel. 😌🙏
While the mention of that (indie?) movie was meant to be a random throwaway line, I'm shockingly surprised to see how the conflict lurking through it practically captures the point of this article. No, I'm not joking. It is without any doubt a coincidence (I just saw it last week, while this writing was already 80% finished). A really well-timed one, I must say, as I can include it in this piece. 🤔
Without spoiling the key moments or reveals away, here are some lines that Culkin's Benji said about his cousin, Eisenberg's Dave:
Benji: "Yeah, and Dave is always, like, super busy. He never has time."
Later on, he dropped this bomb while dining with their group...
Benji: "You know, everyone else disappeared when I needed them most."
And then...
Benji: "Great. I look forward to speaking to you in six months."
(Note: Initially, I wanted to share the screenshots of those scenes. But then it might be a tad spoiler-y or violate copyrights. So, I suggest you check out the movie itself. A Real Pain is a well-made, greatly-acted, thoughtfully-written piece.)
WOW! Benji was a character who sure didn't mince words, huh? And to me, it felt like he was blatantly spouting things that probably many of us have been thinking but are arguably reluctant to say out loud about our Daves. 😮😯
The fascinating truth about those lines, though? They don't describe the entire story. You may find yourself agreeing with Dave, too. That awkward guy is, without a doubt, a BUSY person, juggling family time and climbing career ladders. That is an actual fact. In a way, we may be a Benji to some people. But from the opposite point of view, we may also be a Dave to others. 👀😟
Once again, this is not me judging or anything. I can attest that I'm nowhere near perfect in such a situation. I have had my share of being overly busy for others, too. Sometimes, I am guilty of all charges for the crime of neglecting them by being overly occupied myself. 🙄
Moreover, as an introvert, I admit daily (particularly social) interactions are draining and, furthermore, overwhelming at times. I honestly don't, very rarely at least, reply to messages right away. Unless there is a sense of real-time urgency to that communication. Such as the time my brother was already at the supermarket, telling me there was a limited sale on my favorite instant noodles. If I waited an hour to answer, my brother would have returned home empty-handed, missing out on the sale completely. 😛
(source: Threads)
Regardless of which type of introvert you are, I have a feeling you likely can relate to the need to recharge. Besides that, being busy can help to direct our mind and prevent it from spiraling into a sea of overthinking. And when our workload is high, we have to focus on that by setting (or perhaps pushing) aside matters that are "not as important."
Is that an okay thing to do? Well, it depends on your perspective. So, you tell me. Hahaha. 😁😅
Nevertheless, that's also the fickle thing. Am I right? 😐🤔
I mean, am I THAT busy that I cannot even spare a minute or two, maybe ten, if not in a week, or, perhaps, in a month, for other people? Especially those who go to lengths to reach out in their distinct ways? I don't think such a menial action, the bare minimum, in my opinion, qualifies as being a people-pleaser. These people KNOW I am busy and never expect me to be available 24/7. They are also aware I am THAT kind of an introvert. And it will stay that way until my turn to cross the rainbow bridge ("Wheeek! Wheeek!"). But at the same time, being an introvert should not be an excuse to not be a decent person. Right? We CAN be introverts, but also decent human beings. 😇😈
The paragraph above is the point of view I have continuously been working on until now. Even though I may not respond right away due to my schedule (or, most likely, poor time management), I WANT to be present for these people, too. They are still my family and friends, especially those who do not give up on me (despite my mirror tendency). Maybe because, to me, they are people worth keeping in touch with.
If my late Dad, who I used to brand as a workaholic, could make a quick phone call or ask me to help him at work so we could spend time together, and most of the times, was present during the times that matter...
Surely I can make time for people that way, too? 🤔
If my pen pals could squeeze in a short window to write a letter while resting on a couch after a tiring outdoor work and/or traffic-riddled commute, or while doing the laundry or a group activity with their families...
Surely I can do that, too? 😲
The gesture doesn't even need to be grand. Well, it CAN be overly extensive in my case, considering I tend to go overboard due to my love for rambling (as evidenced by this blog 🙄). But sometimes, when my mental or physical state is not sufficient, I try to offer something simple. 😌
For example, if they send me a hilarious or whimsical meme? I reply with a laughing emoji. That's okay. That's enough. Because at least they know I HAVE READ their message. Even the simplest of responses CAN speak volumes to the other party, reminding them, "Hey, I care for you, even if I don't say it as much as I should." 😀🙏
Likewise, they are free to do the same when they are occupied. I would never demand them to report periodically and timely like a drill sergeant! A short "Hehe" sent a day or two after makes me happy. It's okay! It's more than enough. That means my form of care has been received, regardless of the delay it takes. 😊
What I'm trying to say is that: It really isn't that hard to show our care to other people. Regardless of whether you agree or not, anyone can do it, too. I have been in the company of too many Daves already. Therefore, I know for sure that if I can (and yes, I can, it's a choice), I don't want to be another Dave to a Benji. 😤
In the end, being busy does not always have to sound like a bad thing. No, it CAN be a good thing. Because eventually, it is how we treat that circumstance that may end up resulting in an outcome of positivity or negativity. So, let's strive to be more decent human beings to the people in our lives. Let's not paint the word "Busy" in such a negative light, okay? It doesn't need to be a fickle thing after all. 😅
Just like stated in the two memes above, at the end of the day, the questions are:
Do you really do not have the time? ⌛
Or, you do not want to make the time? 🙅
Are you truly that busy? 😫
Or, you simply just do not care? 😒
Is being busy truly a fickle fact to you? 🤔
Or, you're just making it as one? 😱
Hmmmm... 🤔
(source: A Real Pain, distributed by Searchlight Pictures)
