Foraged Feelings: Curating Courage

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Sometimes, something isn't for long-form writing. Moments and memories. The unspoken stories. Fragments of emotion put poetry in motion. Closure or healing, through Foraged Feelings...

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Curating Courage

From Me to You: A Friendly Reminder

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," so the saying goes. ❣️

I wonder if that's really the case, though? Has my absence (since late May) moved anyone's heart that much? Or is it nothing but a fever dream that exists in the realm of Wishful Thinking? Hmmmm... 🤔

"So forgettable, in every way..." 🎵

This radio silence has a reason. I've been occupied with many things and nothing altogether —which is both a bizarre and a good thing, once I stop and think about it. Also, the idiom "feeling under the weather" didn't come out of the blue, right? Despite the bright, blinding scenery outdoors, the temperature in my area feels oddly cold, chilling to the bones. ☀️🥶

My mood is either high or low from day to day. And that sense of daze or dread rotates like the wheel of fortune. The inevitable result, albeit not entirely unexpected, is fluctuating health, both physically and psychologically. It's affecting my consciousness, clarity of mind, and creative output. 😵💬

Ooookay, that's a rather elaborate way of saying, "I've been having yet another case of writer's block," eh? Hahaha. Well, that's not wrong. Guilty of all charges! But as far as excuses go, that really IS the situation. There's no method in the madness. Writing is art, and my art is wrying somehow. That's all to it. 🙄🤷🏻‍♂️

Anyways, I saw Spider-Man: Brand New Day yesterday, the day it premiered in my country. Worry not! As always, this won't be a review of that movie! 🕷

Still, I'm inclined to agree that the positive hype is real. Even though I enjoyed each title in Tom Holland's previous trilogy, this might be the first time his Peter Parker feels VERY, alarmingly relatable to me. It's as if it speaks to me on a personal level (actually hitting close to home?), not unlike the inner struggle that Lewis Pullman's Bob underwent in Thunderbolts* last year. What struggle is that? I don't want to spoil the movie, so the only way to find out the answer is to see it in person. Hahaha. 😅

All in all, Brand New Day centers on family and friendship. Funnily enough, I just realized this morning why Marvel Studios and SONY probably chose the final week of July, and specifically these dates, to release this feature film. After all, today, July 30, is none other than the United Nations' designated Friendship Day. Yeah, that's not confirmed or anything. Even so, such a fitting timing, as friendship is most definitely one of the strong themes running through the characters in Brand New Day. 🤝🏃🏻

(Source: SkipToMyLou)

So, that's why I'm here. 

To celebrate the people I'm fortunate enough to call or consider a friend, whether close or casual, near or far, of the present or the past. ✨💛

Even if they are no longer with us (may your souls rest in peace), are no longer in touch (for whatever reason, for months or years), or are currently laser-focused on their day-to-day stories, everyone is unique and special, and I think of them often. Regardless of whether they even (ever) see me the same way, I can say for sure I remember and treasure each and every bond we have built or had made. Because in many ways, I am who I am today because of them, too. 😌🙏🏻

Thank you from my deepest heart, my friends, 

wherever, whenever you are... 

Happy International Friendship Day! 🌍🤝

(Source: Doraemon My Music) 

Faults in My Stars

(Source: Photo by EvgeniT via Pixabay)

Let's clear up something before any expectations enter the chat. ✋🏻😅

No, this isn't a review or retrospective of anything, including The Fault in Our Stars. I heard great things about the 2012 hit novel by John Green, which was later adapted into a feature film more than a decade ago. But I haven't read or seen both. The young adult genre has never been my cup of tea, even if the offered brew comes with the finest quality. 🍵🤷🏻‍♂️

Likewise, this piece won't be about how the novel came under scrutiny for being banned from libraries. Why did that happen anyway? Unreasonable censorship is not something I'd personally condone. Of course, I'm also not credible or knowledgeable in the matter to say more about such a serious incident. 🤫🤐

Instead, allow me to focus on the origin of the title. Sources stated that Green found the inspiration from William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. To be specific, it came from these lines, spoken by Cassius, 

"Men at some time were masters of their fates. 

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, 

But in ourselves, that we are underlings."

The plural word "stars" uniquely carried the weight there. People in ancient times believed the celestial bodies controlled their lives. Not just the Romans, as the play's setting naturally would be, but it went much further to the Egyptians. Nope, even as early as the Babylonian era! The Chinese civilization also had its own ways for deciphering the stars. How cool was that! 💫🤯

A Greek astronomer, Hipparchus—the father of Trigonometry— received credit for being the pioneer in creating star catalogues and maps. Ptolemy later expanded and perfected the mapping. He pretty much popularized the system into those familiar names we all now know and, perhaps even, love: 

The Western Astrology, or as the Greeks would call it, the Zodiac. 🌟

So yeah, this piece is about star signs, or at least my personal take on the matter. Don't worry! I'm equally not an expert in these extragalactic entities. Maybe it's just a calculated curiosity that has inflated into astronomical proportions? Hahaha 😁

Here Comes the Sun

I've known about the Zodiacs, or their more popular name, Horoscopes, for as long as I could remember. My memory might be fuzzy about who shared it with me first (sorry, I'm not a genius who can remember events in my toddler days). But I can say for sure, from very early on, I was already aware of my star sign name because of the month I was born. 🤔👨‍👩‍👦‍👦

The advent of iconic 90s manga-to-anime series, like Saint Seiya and Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon, made the zodiacs even more exciting. It most certainly helped boost my fascination with Greek Mythology, and astronomy to a lesser extent. Of course, the trend has existed far beyond Japanese entertainment in the first place. Magazines and tabloids would almost always include the Horoscope readings for the day. Among my elementary to high school classmates, especially the girls, the topic often came up. 📺📚

On the other hand, Astrology doesn't necessarily have an all-around positive connotation, either. Several religions, which I won't explain in detail, explicitly call it demonic or downright heresy. They have their astute arguments, which I'm not here to agree or disagree with. But yes, that's a repeated reminder of my life, too! "What are you doing? Reading up Horoscopes is a sin," is a statement I often heard from others around me. 👿🤪

Personally, sheer logic has always shaped my opinion. My inner query has always centered around, "There's no way we can generalise people based on their star signs." I mean, claiming that a Pisces drifts away this way, while a Taurus stubbornly charges forward that way? That feels too specific and hard to believe. 😅

Ironically enough, over time, the emerging power of curiosity and observation started to seep in and sway that logic. In what way? Well, because I'm literally surrounded by people who share a specific star sign. Thus, as I paid extra attention to their behaviors, a pattern emerged. 👀😮

That's when an internal rebuttal ascended, "My, oh my, they do behave so much alike, don't they?" I then took another step and examined other people whom I know were born in the same zodiac window as mine. The result? "We're too much alike!" No wonder I can relate to them, or we get along so well! Bizarre, eh? 😲💭 

Once in a Blue Moon

Halfway through last year, a lethargic day overtaken by procrastination eventually spiraled me into a new interstellar territory. The exploration of the Natal Chart! What is a natal chart or a Birth Chart? 🌏🌃

"A natal chart (a.k.a. birth chart) is an astronomical snapshot of the stars based on the exact day, time, and place you were born."

To be fair, I HAD heard or read the mentions of Aries Sun, Leo Moon, and/or Sagittarius Rising in various media before. But honestly, I never knew or, to be fair, even bothered about what they meant. I wasn't THAT interested in digging up more info about them either. Somehow, a casual let 's-kill-some-time chat with ChatGPT ended up expanding my horizon on how my star sign is more complex than I thought. 🤔💡

Based on my natal chart, my star sign isn't just a single, generalised zodiac after all. That's only the Sun, or the dominant part. Other star signs can appear on the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, and more, on the day I was born. Each one supposedly represents a different facet, respectively, Moods/Emotions, Communication/Thought, Love/Pleasure, Sex/Aggression, and so on. 😶

Let's use an example, if that sounds too complex. Say, a lady — not based on anyone, just make-believe — was born on July 8, 1988, at 08:08 in London, United Kingdom. In general, she would be identified as a Cancer star sign, which spans from June 21 to July 22. However, this is the result from Google Gemini when I asked it to describe the lady's natal chart in detail:

Sun in Cancer: At her core, she is deeply intuitive, protective, and emotionally driven. Her identity is tied to creating a sense of emotional security, home, and belonging.

Moon in Taurus: The Moon is exalted in Taurus, making this an incredibly stable emotional placement. While her Cancer Sun feels things deeply, her Taurus Moon ensures she processes emotions with immense resilience, grounding, and a need for physical comfort and predictability.

Ascendant (Rising) in Leo: Her outward persona is vibrant, creative, and warm. She projects confidence and a regal, expressive energy to the world, which beautifully balances her private, sensitive Cancer Sun.     

That's only the core big three, as her other planetary placements share distinct details. Furthermore, the Astrological Houses define her specific traits even more. It all leads up to this surprising summary:

This chart weaves a beautiful paradox. She is an intensely private, sensitive soul (Sun/Mercury in the 12th) who possesses a radiant, expressive outer shell (Leo Rising). Supported by a rock-solid, grounded emotional nature (Taurus Moon) and an independent fire to create and achieve (Mars in Aries), she has the perfect astrological blueprint for turning deep, intuitive insights into tangible, creative mastery.

My reaction? Mindblown! Hahaha! 🤯😃

At the very least, the detailed reading pretty much breaks the generalised perception that all Cancers are the same. The most common trope of a Cancer female is the highly sensitive mother-figure who may retreat into her shell when things go sideways. It's much like its designated Zodiac, or animal statue, the Crab, that symbolizes the sign (a fascinatingly fitting choice on its own, I must add, but that's a different discussion). However, the 1988 lady in the example is very much different than that, right? 😏

Is she sensitive? Yes. But expressive and grounded? Also, yes! The lady isn't a fragile Crab as people may assume on first glance. She's a deeply intuitive individual who's equally bold enough to stand her ground. 😮👍🏻

Simply put, that discovery became a project that lasted many days. I began exploring the possible readings of some people I know. My thinking was, "Maybe I can learn and understand them more!" What began as something to fill the boredom turned into a truly thrilling side quest. Heck, you might even remember how I included an exploration of the Libra sign in my essay last year. 🤭

Well, until something transpired a few months ago. 🛑

   

A Fascination Rising

Have you been seeing those intriguing, or maybe annoying, ads on YouTube (or social media) that confidently brag about "Sketch and Discover Your Soulmate"? It was so rampant on my phone that on one cloudy, clinic-prescribed medicine-induced daze, I got super curious and tried it. Hey, it doesn't cost much. And I could cancel right away if I don't like it. No harm, no foul! 🤒🤷🏻‍♂️

It turns out the ads directed me to a spiritual app called Nebula App. The service (one of many, it turns out?!) features various psychics or supernatural advisors, with varying ratings based on their past work. Users can consult them about romance, career, and other things. For an extra price, that is. A deeper analysis and longer chat will be dangerously costly, that's for sure. 👀💸

Many of them are South Asians, by the way. Not that I'm surprised, since spirituality is a strong part of the region's culture. 🤔

Anyway, the soulmate sketch didn't use that, thankfully enough. After supplying data, I waited for the result. Much to my astounded amusement, the hand-drawn image was a startling, specific person. It was A COMPLETELY RANDOM UNKNOWN FACE who I do NOT know, I have NOT seen anywhere, and highly likely will NEVER meet considering the regional improbability! 🤣🤦🏻‍♂️

That really made my day as I hadn't had a good laugh for quite a while. But hey, laughter is the best medicine! Come to think of it, the very likely AI-rendered result was on par with the waves of the clearly AI-created ads. So, I shouldn't have expected more. 😝

Still, as I said earlier, I'm not here to review anything. And that applies to Nebula, too. If the app works for other users, then I'm happy for them. Some people, as in the experts in the app, have special gifts that enable them to read more between the lines. Maybe people do find enlightenment or guidance through their help. The app is most DEFINITELY not for me, though. It only lasted a few days on my phone. 👋🏻😌

Nevertheless, there was one thing that I benefited from that short-lived stunt (so short I doubted I could write it into a Fool's Errands piece). The app surprised me by pointing out a glaring inconsistency: ChatGPT's reading from several months before was far from accurate! ❌😒

The planetary placements in Nebula's natal chart were completely different. And by different, I learned ChatGPT's version was astronomically IMPOSSIBLE to be the celestial chart of my birthdate and location. There are actual scientific records of that! Unless I was born in an alternate universe with a warped space, I suppose? 🤨

For the sake of privacy and mystery, particularly from a jury of irony, I'm not going to share what the star signs are. Let's simply say that ChatGPT's claim of my Moon alone was FIVE SIGNS and SEVEN MONTHS off from the actual one. Hahahaha. 🤣

Basically, our good ol' ChatGPT hallucinated, and I fell for its words for months. Remember, folks! AI CAN make mistakes. So, don't go believing their outputs too easily without cross-checking them first, okay? Just a public service announcement for your sanity. ✋🏻😤

With new information on hand, I embarked on a clarification process. ChatGPT's (wrong) description narrated many traits that I have, even if some felt off, and eyebrows were raised (which makes sense, now, eh?). But when the seed of doubts is bigger, it's better to question more. 🤔

I asked my South American friend, who has more knowledge and experience with celestial objects and cosmic events. What does this new Moon mean for me, especially in relation to my primary Sun? His answer, revolving around potential connections, was intriguing, to say the least. 😲

   

Henceforth, I decided to recheck the reading of my natal chart. This time around, I used the aid of Cafe Astrology instead of deploying AI services. For the sake of transparency, I can confirm Google Gemini and Claude AI's star mapping results were totally in line with the Nebula app. 😅

That was when I had a second mindblown moment. Cafe Astrology generated a thorough list (which printed as a 37-page-long PDF, my goodness!) that described my traits and quirks. If you've ever read something and suddenly felt, "This piece is eerily talking about me," then you can imagine my response. 😳😨

My new natal chart reading pretty much listed my tendencies, including the dark and unpleasant sides, as the impact of the star compositions. The more I read it, the more each line caught my eye. Yes, I do this, that, and those acts often. And I emote or withdraw this and that way. It even explains why I'm more interested and invested in international connections over local ones. That's precisely like what Mi Amigo has told me! Kudos to you, my dear friend... 😆👍🏻

Pondering in Retrograde

Has that converted me into a believer in astrology? Well, not exactly. ☺️

The divination aspect to it? It still isn't something my logic-driven brain can adjust, more so naively accept as-is. In this case, it refers to whether the position of planets will affect certain star signs positively or negatively for a period of time. You know, those predictions about our success, health, love life, and the like. 😅

It's ALWAYS a fun piece to read, though. Without a doubt! I'm not going to lie, I enjoy perusing through those articles sometimes. Yet, I rarely (since using the word "never" seems too extreme) necessarily put my faith in them. They still often seem too generalised for my liking. 🙅🏻‍♂️

How can we be sure that every Gemini person will find financial luck on the same day? That's like, I don't know, around 8.33% of the planet? 680 million to 700 million individuals! 😛

In my head, it's usually just a fleeting mindset of, "Oh, this will be cool if it does happen." As an example, a popular website published this part about my star sign for this final week of May:

"Your dreams feel stronger and brighter as you are driven to make them a reality after this weekend." 

See? That WILL be cool IF it happens. But honestly, no fingers crossed right here. Unless a miracle happens out of the blue, my dream may not transpire in seven days. 😉🤷🏻‍♂️

The natal chart, on the other hand? I'm more than inclined to keep an open mind and embrace it for two reasons. Firstly, the reading does not try to forecast or predict the future. We're always the ones holding the wheel towards tomorrow. And while fate exists, I'm doubtful it's set in the stars. Secondly, the chart describes or inspects who we are as a person. Or, at the very least, it helps point out the characteristics that appear or still lie dormant within us. That sounds more like an internal observation and exploration of our existence. 🧍👀

Admittedly, astrology is considered pseudoscience. That's a fact that I won't even try to argue. Regardless, the ancient figures who mapped the stars were people of science. The exploration and expansion of the framework itself has spanned through many moons, if not eons of eclipses. Remember, it all dates back to the 3rd millennium BC. Should we dismiss the work so casually, with our modern metrics, without giving it the benefit of the doubt? 📝⏳🙆🏻‍♂️

Okay, maybe that's a little too grand to think about. Let's think small, then, much smaller. In my opinion —feel free to disagree or laugh about this, though—any means that can help us better understand ourselves is valuable information. As a living being who's constantly growing and evolving, we often can't or haven't fully grasp who we truly are. A few people find that answer fast. Many of us, however, take time, often plenty of years, to get there, and are still figuring it out until our dying breath. 🌞🌚

Even then, there are still mysteries that we won't particularly know. Is our existence as a speck of dust in the universe really without meaning? Or did the stars align during our arrival for a reason? To map a blueprint that makes each dust different from the others. Nobody can answer that precisely, as it's an understanding that exceeds our mortal minds. I do think, however, that there's a reason why every living being, more so humankind, is unique. We're not just cannon fodder that pop up to populate the universe. ✨🧺

Case in point, I resort to punny poetry when I'm down or deserted. Apparently, there's a psychological reason for that. But was that all there is to it? Does everyone practice the same thing like a factory-built robot? Or is it because I was born with that quirk, an expression of my need for personal space and vivid imagination? 😢🎵

Moreover, should we blame the stars for the way we've turned out to be? If that's your thing, then it's your choice. That said, maybe, just maybe, we can try seeing it from a different lens? After all, the natal chart may also work as a step towards acceptance, the opposite of resentment. 🔭😌

We can understand ourselves better the more we know how or why we roll or work through things around us. The stars, through astrology, are one of the many ways (blood types, love languages, Enneagram, MBTI, to name a few) that may provide such insight to self-reflection. Instead of being overly hard when we stumble and fall, it may help us embrace, "That's indeed my trait. So, what constructive action can I take to work around that?" 🤔❣️

If it can guide a discovery of meaning in our lives, then why not? If it can be a catalyst for betterment, to be kinder to ourselves, then why not? If our star-mapped blueprint can help us find or fit into the missing puzzle pieces of other blueprints, then why not? 💭🤍  

To sum up, YES, I hereby acknowledge that there are faults in my stars. Then again, I don't think ill of them anymore, as they made me who I am. An overly curious listener who can be erratically talkative when with the right company! Someone who values harmony but struggles with self-discipline (hence the weeks of vanishing acts). And above all, just an art-loving person who enjoys expressing things through writing. Because, believe it or not, that's, indeed, written in my stars. 🌟😉

(Source: SEGA via NexTone Inc.)

Fandom Pain

(Source: Tamon-kun Ima Docchi!?)

Heart-shaped decorations alleviate amorous atmospheres here and there. All things red and pink dominate malls, minimarkets, and even mansions. Confectioneries and bakeries are offering chocolates or brownies designed in similar styles and shades. Timely tunes that retell enchanting encounters or intimate interchanges suddenly feel sweeter than ever. Events and gifts, such as candlelight dinners and bouquets of roses, are must-do and must-buy items. 💝💐

What on earth is happening? Well, it means the world has fully rotated into the one date that people either look forward to or loathe. Maybe even both at the same time! Hahaha. Yes, Valentine's Day is here again! Or as the innocent kids—and perhaps, adult naysayers—would react, "Womp Womp." 😂

It feels like only yesterday that I posted an exposition about this arguably commercialized festivity. Okay, no, who am I kidding? The 2025 tiredness begs to differ! That piece was indeed many moons ago. Time just passed us by so fast, it's still fresh in my mind alone. 🤦🏻‍♂️

The exact thought did occur to me, though. Why should I discuss Valentine's Day again when I can repost that post? But its core theme is love, after all. And love, whether we like it or not, is here, all around us, both in plain sight and through subtle gestures. From the angelic Agape to the evocative Eros, love always invites old stories and new discussions. Seriously, I literally fell asleep rewatching a 30-minute talk show compilation about the day of love last night. 😪😅

So, without further ado, let's do that, too! But this time, and this year specifically, let's talk about a unique kind of passionate love that can easily range from adorable to extreme. It's a shared feeling of appreciation and affection that may be as uplifting as it is intoxicating. 😳😨

To be a FAN!!! 🤟🏻🥰🤩

(Source: Tamon-kun Ima Docchi!?)

L is for the Way You Look

Everyone's a fan of something. As human beings, we have the agency to like someone or something. When that feeling of fascination grows stronger, it transforms into admiration. 👀❣

Over time, such intense fondness may accumulate into devotion, and eventually sheer adoration. Many even go so far as to defy logic and explanations. We've all seen how groups of people are willing to believe or do pretty much anything their worshipped leader/figure claims and orders them to. Isn't that how religions were born? Or how political parties gain traction? 🤷🏻‍♂️

I'm not going to explore that example further, as this (hopefully) will never be the space for that. But being a fan, and not just a casual fan, in many ways is similar to that, eh? It's a community that doesn't mind paying extra or invests more time and energy in a subject/object of interest. 🤔🤯

In older, more sensible, more understanding days, that is. I'll get to that in a few... ⏳

"The fans are like rings that orbit round and round around the stars. They're all just countless particles.

This is how far I should be from him. I can't make the mistake of becoming a meteor and crash into him."

—Utage Kinoshita, Tamon-kun Ima Docchi!? (Episode 1)

The quote I included above came from a surprising new anime that's currently airing, titled Tamon-kun Ima Docchi!? (Tamon-kun's B-Side). It's surprising to me because it was never on my radar. Idols and everything around them are, sorry to say, NOT my thing. I dabbled in it (or perhaps tried to get into it?  😅) when I was a much younger, naive nerd, influenced by peer pressure and all. Even so, looking back, my primary interest was always for their songs, not the whole concept of idols and the daunting devotion towards them. 🎶🤔

Okay, that's a pretty elaborate exposition to say, "I've never been much of a fan," huh? Hahaha. 😅

Anyway, Tamon-kun is a rom-com that leans more into the comedy aspect. That's the reason I ended up watching it. After all, I AM a fan of good comedies. Personally, a fair dose of laughter is always helpful, if not necessary, to lighten up the heavy, dreary, and needy nature of our daily demands. It's the cheesy or sweet embrace we need! 😁👍🏻

Much like my delightful introduction to a certain gourmet anime last year, Tamon-kun most definitely made the most timely entrance. I already wanted to focus on the topic of fans' love since late last year. The anime, however, has given me deeper insight and understanding into how devoted a fan can be. Its theme just clicked so soundly! I guess, like a fated pairing, if it's meant to be, it's JUST meant to be. Would you agree? 🙋🏻‍♂️💞

The manga-turned-anime series centers on Utage Kinoshita, a high school student who works part-time as a housekeeper. Her job has a divine purpose. Utage needs money to support something, or SOMEONE, to be precise. That someone is none other than her Oshikatsu, the titular Tamon Fukuhara, the alluring, sexy, seductive member of the idol unit (or as we in the 90s called it, boyband) F/ACE. More than that, the hardworking girl is a self-proclaimed missionary of the Church of Tamon, vowing to spread the good word of Tamon-kun and attract more followers. 💒🙏🏻

Hilariously, the same job crashed Utage into a mindblowing reality check. Tamon's pretty guy, people-pleasing, publicized persona is, well, merely a persona. A gigantic facade, to put it bluntly. His real personality is the complete opposite. Hence, the title's wording "Which Tamon Am I Seeing Now!?" comes into clearer perspective. As instantly implied by his true nature, Tamon is only the first example in the series. Utage eventually learns there are even more. 👀🤯

Utage's expressive but endearing reactions, actions, and interactions with Tamon's gloomy antics become the fuel for nonstop laughter. Despite the strange and wacky situations, she also portrays the spirit of a sincerely supportive fan. It's clear that Utage, so far, is a depiction of the more positive part of the fandom. 👏🏻👩🏻

(Source: Crunchyroll)

O is for the Only One

FANDOM is the community of fans sharing the same interest, as simple as that. It's an old term coined more than a century ago. The base word is, well, what else? FAN, which itself appeared two to three decades earlier. Upon deeper look, the term originated from two possible words: Fancy and Fanatic. Those words also have their own history, of course. 🤠⚾️

At the time, a "fan" refers to a sports enthusiast. Baseball fancy fanatics, in that era. Nevertheless, as we're now aware, the scope has expanded to encompass nearly any cultural phenomenon, including TV shows, movies, and public figures. The nature is, in a way, polyamory as well, considering someone can be an ultra fan of several fandoms at the same time. 🎥🎻

Oshikatsu, closely compared to the Western idea of Stan Culture, is a subculture of fandom. This particular subculture carries very different connotations depending on who's looking. To outsiders, their dedication may seem like an addiction that triggers unnecessary spending. Still, economists believe it has the potential to revitalize Japan's economy as well. 👨🏻‍💻🧚🏻‍♀️

That describes Utage's character and driving force. As a student, she doesn't really need to worry about food on the table or paying monthly electrical bills. She has parents who are alive and active to handle those responsibilities. Oshikatsu activities, on the other hand, are NOT a cheap choice. It requires significant financial demands on Utage's pocket to show support for her Oshi. There are concerts to attend, merchandise to buy, and all kinds of fans' banners to make! She works hard to make all of that possible. 💇🏻💵   

Admittedly, the negative sentiment that fawning over an oshi is a pointless, negative, unhealthy, and selfish behavior makes sense. But instead of judging others so easily, let's remember that people live differently, and that's fine. A lifestyle or life choice that works for us doesn't necessarily bode well for others. 🤫

Everyone's a fan of something, and if we stop and think about it, each one of us has probably invested some form of contribution to our fandom. Maybe it's literal money, like Utage? Or, it's simply the intangibles, such as time, effort, and attention. Also like Utage. Hahaha. Again, fandom is an overarching term that applies to various aspects or subjects in life. 💫🌐

Later in the story, it was revealed that Utage also had a fundamental reason for joining Tamon's fandom. Without spoiling anything, the idol's presence helped her find her place and purpose. Honestly, that's the part I can relate to so much. As a human being with free will and not an AI chatbot (and somehow baffled that I still need to point that out sometimes), obviously, I have my share of fandom, too. My essays on Super Sentai, Pokémon, and some others are evident enough already. 😅

The one that mirrored Utage's dedication the most, however, was my interest in the Sakura Taisen (Sakura Wars) franchise. Their music, to be even more specific (composed by the all-time greatness Kouhei Tanaka-sensei). I couldn't really claim to be a hardcore fan of the entire franchise. Frankly speaking, the only game I played from start to finish was Sakura Taisen V: Saraba Itoshiki Hito yo when NIS America localized it for the Nintendo Wii. That said, the musical numbers always gave me a purpose, whether big or small, to keep going forward. 😥🕺🏻

And yes, that entire paragraph was in the past tense for a reason. Before SEGA soft-rebooted the franchise in 2019—only to tank it again on June 30, 2021, with the underperforming Sakura Kakumei ~Hana Saku Otome-tachi~ mobile spin-off—, the game series had already entered hiatus in 2008. Even so, stage musicals and smaller-scale festivals and anniversary events continued taking place at irregular intervals until July last year, with Sakura Taisen Budoukan Live 2 ~Teito.Paris.New York~ being the most notable and memorable one, in October 2011. 💃🏻🎤

I specifically mentioned that show because that was the last time the main and key supporting cast members from the first five games held a memorable, once-in-a-lifetime concert to unsurprisingly much fanfare. Now, that glorious ensemble is no longer possible. Several of the voice actors are sadly no longer with us. Truthfully, my focus on the franchise has started to wind down from that point onward, too. Not even the 2019 game managed to fully revive my interest. 🤫💿

(Source: SEGA)

V is Very, Very Extraordinary

Such is the unfortunate, heartbreaking reality of fandom. As with all things human-related, every entertainment entity starts and finishes. It's always a temporal existence. There's an inevitable time limit to how long it can keep going. ⌛️⛔️

Many of us often wish for a show or a movie franchise to continue forever. Or for a favorite idol to keep singing and shining on stage. Alas, that is as rare as a snow leopard. The kids' show Doraemon has been on air since its 1973 premiere. Even after the creator passed away. Neighbours, the famous Australian soap opera, on the other hand? It wrapped again (yes, for the second time) last year, despite staying on screen for 41 seasons. While the legendary actor Dick Van Dyke remains as spry and enthusiastic about working, others like Dame Judy Dench have officially retired from the industry. 🤷🏻‍♂️

On the bright side, the attachment itself, especially supercharged with nostalgia, doesn't really go away. As heartbreaking as it may be not to see our beloved media or characters in the spotlight, technology has made it easy and convenient for us to revisit them. Many older series and movies that were once confined to outdated formats, such as VHS or CDs, have been digitally remastered and are accessible at the palm of our hands. 🤳🏻

Sure, there was a sense of sadness and pain when the object of interest left our lives. But now, that pain feels less aching. Even when they don't technically exist anymore, the all-time classics are still around. They will remain as long as the baton continues being passed on to the next generation. I may not be the avid fan that I was before. But the fact that I can listen to and sing Sakura Taisen songs on different digital music services, 30 years after its game debut, is an extraordinary example. 🤩👍🏻

"Fans are terrifying creatures.

They're ruthless beasts who engage in bloody quarrels with each other."

—Keito Tachibana, Tamon-kun Ima Docchi!? (Episode 7)

The new, real pain, regrettably speaking, has instead come from a different side of the table: the fandom itself. 😨

No, I can only wish I'm kidding with that! Eras have changed, as they always do. The way fans interact with films, shows, anime, celebrities, and more has also morphed, for better or worse. Understanding and sensibility don't play out as they did before. 😔

Personally, I’m not even sure when this irritating irony started. Calling it ‘new’ already feels outdated. TOXIC FANDOM, a phrase that has gotten very common, disturbingly so, has been prevalent in recent years. Or maybe the better wording should be MUCH LOUDER AND BOLDER? As many have pointed out, social media blurred barriers and boundaries between interests and fandom. It paved the way for anyone in the fandom to express their views in real-time. Disappointingly, that includes bullying, harassing, and sending death threats, not just to other fans with a different point of view, but even to the creators directly. 🤬👹

Stranger Things concluded its story after five seasons on New Year's Day. Immediately after, many fans stormed the internet, crying that they had been betrayed by an ending "too HAPPY" that it didn't meet their expectations. Apparently, it would be more pleasing to them had one or more of the characters died in the final battle. Wait, what? 🙅🏻‍♂️😱

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is currently in an odd state of "dismissal" post the spectacular success of Avengers: Endgame. The amount of ridiculous hatred toward its movies and TV shows echoes across social media as of this writing. Here's an unpopular opinion: NONE of them are as awful or as bad as the discourse complaints, though. It's just a matter of which demographics the title is aimed at. 🙆🏼‍♂️🧏🏽‍♀️ 

Likewise, I can say the same about Nintendo. When the Japanese company announced Nintendo Switch 2, the community's cheers quickly turned into sneers upon the revelation of the much higher price. For years, the fandom rallied Nintendo to keep up with the rest of the gaming industry in terms of technical specs. Yet when they decided to do so, including the inevitable higher, non-family-friendly pricing? To this day, comments shouting, "Nintendo is greedy!" still appear across channels and social media posts. 💰👈🏻

"You are part of the problem" is a direct personal attack that I will never forget that day. To think I was only commenting neutrally that, due to the rising cost of everything, the "console price makes sense." For the first time in my life, I got called a "Bootlicker" too! Woohooo, achievement unlocked! Hahaha 🤣

Similarly, the Pokémon franchise continues to get the short end of the stick. Its newer games are ridiculed and review-bombed by people before they launch. The sentiment that "Game Freak is lazy" has gotten very exhausting and repetitive. It's as if the complainers are parroting the same copy-pasted excuse. Over and over again. 😒🐀

When a hacker stole and leaked terabytes of project data from the company—a massive privacy breach for Japanese companies—a portion of fans cheered and shouted that the punishment should have been worse. The demo of the upcoming Pokémon Pokopia, set for a March 5, 2026, release, has surprised many gaming journalists in a good way. But if one scrolls to the comment sections, the nagging rant over Game-Key Cards is still there. 🙄🤦🏻‍♂️

(Source: Eurogamer)

Here's the thing: I'm a simple guy. A natural nitpicker. If I like something, I support it in the way that I can. Maybe I can save up to buy and enjoy it fully. But if it's too expensive, I cheer for it in silence. If I don't like something, I don't invest my emotions or money in it and shift my focus elsewhere. There's really no point in harassing others who seem to like it, even if we share differing tastes. 🤷🏻‍♂️

But that's not how it works anymore? Does that neutral stance mean I'm not a real fan? How about the so-called fans of modern fandoms who—under the bold excuse of pushing for good change and quality— don't hesitate to attack creators whenever things don't play out the way they have desired? Do they count as the real fans instead? 🤔

"Your duality seems even more intense than mine."

—Tamon Fukuhara, Tamon-kun Ima Docchi!? (Episode 1)

By looking at it through the lens of love, the toxic development starts to feel less surprising. Fandom IS a form of love after all. There is an emotional investment poured slowly but surely into the dedication. Once it reaches a certain level, it may evolve into an obsession. Obsession can have a positive impact as a powerful force that pushes forward. An obsession that's not regulated and balanced carefully, though? Can trigger harmful outcomes or even compulsive behaviors! 😍👿

If a romantic relationship can turn sour and downright abusive, the same applies to fandom. Love can become a dangerous sense of entitlement. When fans develop a specific fan identity, anything that does not meet their idealistic mindset may be perceived as a threat. Their personal investments suddenly mean ownership over the object of interest. God complex much? Or an extraordinary pain in the neck? 🍋👺    

E is Even More Than Anyone

No doubt, being a fan is a different case now. It requires a lot of patience to be in a fandom that has gotten hostile, draining, or fractured. Experts say pain lingers when what we love is gone. But in modern fandom, the pain swells while it's still alive. The noise, the wars, and the endless negativity might make us question why we even bother to stay in it! 😩🤦🏻‍♂️

Fortunately, people are indeed aware of the rise of toxic fandom. It could very well sit among the reasons for the increasing push to limit social media access for kids in various countries. Many psychologists and writers have also emphasized the importance of walking away from social media. It serves as a form of activism in its own way. ❌📵

Truly, I agree that's a great gesture and action. Although it's not easy to pull off, the thought of not having to wade through a pool of toxic fandom already gives me peace of mind. And really, we should be in charge of our emotional safety. Let the toxic be toxic while we persevere in positivity, far away. Right? Hahaha! 🤟🏻😝

Moreover, the reality remains that a fandom began as a united community. A group that shared a similar love for someone or something. In many ways, that's still happening. There are many good apples despite some rotten bunches. 🍎😇

When a political move prompted The Walt Disney Company to dismiss director James Gunn, positive fan support allowed him to return and direct Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Most recently, actress Maya Imamori was unceremoniously fired from No. 1 Sentai Gozyuger. The fandom voiced its disapproval about the unfair treatment. Yet, there was no boycotting the show or its producers. The show continued to air, despite being in an awkward state, and the fandom watched to the end. Both examples are proof that fandom can raise a healthy voice. 😮👏🏻

(Source: Still Watching Netflix)

Watching Tamon-kun provides a similar reassurance. Utage has indeed reprimanded Tamon a few times when his negativity gets a little too dark and almost gets the best of him. No matter how I see it, though, her reasoning is always to support and infuse positivity back into him. There's no hostility, and not once does she think she's above him! That's a display of genuine tough love that reminds Tamon how much he means more to her than he thinks. If anything, the show keeps reminding me that people who think like Utage are still plenty, and that not all hope is lost. 😌🧡

Therefore, before this Valentine's Day ends, let's ask ourselves a simple, honest question: 

Do I want to be in a toxic relationship?

If the answer is NO, then let's start by not being the toxic one in the relationship. Loving something doesn't need to be a bittersweet affair. Beyond the drama and disappointments, it can still be a world we once called home. All we need to do is focus on the good and not the bad. 😏🤍

It works as effectively in fandom. Not everything will work out the way we want to. Instead of reacting negatively, staying calm and composed is always an option. And, maybe, after a second, third, or fourth look, we might even notice more to say, "It's a fantastic time to be a fan!" 🤩🎉

"There are going to be some fans who drift away. 

And there'll be some fans who won't."

—Ouri Sakaguchi, Tamon-kun Ima Docchi!? (Episode 6)

(Source: Tamon-kun Ima Docchi!?)

 

Framing an Imbalanced Harmony

(Source: Randy Newman)

Anyone who's a moviegoer, if not a certified cinephile, or listens to the radio, if not an avid audiophile, will most likely know the song above. At the very least, it's a familiar sound they must have heard somewhere, somehow. After all, it's a classic, timeless tune that's just tenderly heartfelt. Often, the laid-back melodies and lyrical message hit us right in the feels. 🎶💘

"If you've got troubles, and I've got 'em too

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you

We stick together, we can see it through

'Cause you've got a friend in me"

— Randy Newman, "You’ve Got a Friend in Me" (1995)

Those lines, in particular, speak of the enduring loyalty and bond that Sheriff Woody Pride and Buzz Lightyear have shared for 30 years. 🤠🤝👨🏻‍🚀 

Personally, the iconic theme evokes a bittersweet nostalgia for the bygone days. A relic of a timid time and calm connection that are no longer here! But what do you think of it? Do you agree with the story of friendship that the song serenades? Or perhaps, contrary to the general notion, you feel that it's somewhat unrealistic and too good to be true? 😨🤷🏻‍♂️

You're not alone in thinking that way. On the one hand, the idealized lines sound inspiring and, in some cases, aren't illusory. But on the other hand, not everyone has the luxury of living them in reality. The inquisitive question is: Do those sentences go both ways, from the singer to and fro the listener (much like Woody and Buzz)? Or is it merely a one-way trip (much like Woody and his first owner, Andy)? 🤔

An Imbalanced Reality

Last month, I explored the imperfect notion of finding balance. To reiterate, the definition of perfection always depends on the doers. Regardless, balance remains a necessary essence everyone should strive for, such as ensuring a proper divide between our daily work and life juggles. It should apply to human connections, either in friendship or in a relationship, too. Theoretically, that is. 😐💭

As written on that post, being a part of human nature, we tend to pursue perfection. Boosted by societal demand or pressure, we're inspired and often pushed to do so. To seek friends, lovers, and lifelong partners who are perfect. Still, the stark reality is that chasing such a grand idea of a perfect connection may not be realistic. In many cases, it could end up drifting us into dangerous waters. Just like the characters in Jurassic World: Rebirth! ⛵️🦖

The more I ponder, wonder, and yonder on that idea, the more curious I've become about one analysis. Can ANY human connection, run and riddled with flawed human nature, ever form a balanced bond? Mutual is possible, no doubt. A balanced one, though? Hmmmm. Add to that the question about the song earlier, and the matter gets murkier. 🤔⁉️

(Source: Psych2Go)

Such a thought only reminds me of the many, not just one or two, posts I've read online, lamenting about how they are "tired of always being the one to initiate dialogue" or "it hurts not to be treated kindly, even though I have given everything to them." Maybe, as you're reading this, your inner heart equally whispers, "Yes, that's me!" I'm not ashamed to admit I've boarded that ship as well. 🙄😓

Besides watching the Psych2Go video above, try to scroll through the comment section. Well, through any psychology-themed videos centering on connection, actually. You'll realize a pattern that screams one shared fact. People yearn to feel loved. That's why they work hard, often too hard, to care for or love others. Regrettably, they get less or even nothing in return. 💔😩

We don't even need to look hard for more examples. Observe the people around you, and you'll notice that. In one dynamic or another, the weight tends to tilt to one side. Whether among friends or couples, there's always an active party and a passive member. In short, imbalanced connections persist. Furthermore, there are plenty. 🙅🏻‍♂️🙆🏻‍♀️

An Influx of Care

Those are the classic cases of people who care too much. It's a type that spreads everywhere across the planet, as illustrated by various examples in real life and fiction. 💫🌏

Haru, the lead character in the stop-motion Pokémon Concierge, is one example. "The way she always puts the needs of others first is something I've never seen before," her supervisor, Ms. Watanabe, praised in Episode 8. Similarly, Touru Honda from the renowned shoujo manga Fruits Basket consistently puts the needs and feelings of others. She even lived in a tent after her mother's death to avoid burdening her grandfather. 🥺🙏

One Piece's resident doctor, Tony Tony Chopper, has a noble dream to "cure every disease." More importantly, he goes to extreme lengths for his friends. One of his memorable lines even proclaimed, "If I can be of any help, I'll even become a real monster!" And let's not forget this intense character from Parks and Recreation with his iconic, incurable "medical condition." 👏😳

(Source: Parks and Recreation)

Why are there so many cases of these selfless people, though? Well, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI for short, but you likely already know that 😅) may have the answer. Look, I get it. Not everyone agrees with the popular psychology test because it’s pseudoscience. That's fair. Even so, the system does give a hint as to why some people care too much. It classifies not one but two personality types that fit such a tendency. And their naming and symbolism alone probably already speak volumes. 🧡👍🏻

First is ESFJ, the Consul or Caregiver who's generally depicted as a Parental or Guardian figure. The second is none other than ISFJ, the Defender or Protector, who's generally depicted as a Nurse. ESFJ people are natural caring altruists who take responsibilities seriously to give back, serve others, and do the right thing. Meanwhile, ISFJ people are supposedly the mothers or eldest siblings of their groups who would go to great lengths for the people they care about. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧👨‍⚕️ 

The biggest downside of those two "people-centered" types? An ESFJ often gives all of themselves to others, risking emotional exhaustion or burnout. An ISFJ spares no effort to help others, a strong value that can lead to self-sacrificing acts, considering their inner drive to put others' needs above their own. 💝💖

Even though they are clearly different in how they gain their energy (the extroverted one from people, the other from solitude), their traits are very similar that it can be hard to tell them apart. Both shine through their natures: loyal, thoughtful, attentive, and selfless. They strive to maintain harmony and may avoid conflict, sometimes at the expense of their needs or by suppressing unhappy feelings. Deeply sensitive, they take things personally, either by being critical or repressing emotions. 🧺💛

Unsurprisingly, a study in November 2024 once again ranked ESFJ and ISFJ among the top three (alongside the dependable ISTJ) most common types in the US. Combined, they make up 26.1%, or more than a quarter. The numbers in other countries vary, but are generally still high. 🌎📊

So, if anyone ever wondered why the world seems full of people who give and give and give? Well, thank the ISFJs and ESFJs for that. They’re everywhere, and caring is practically their second language. Alas, from a different perspective, now it starts to make more sense why so many people are simply wired to care too much, huh? 😲🤦‍♂️

An Introspective Analysis

Is that the sole reason why some people care too much? The answer to that is a definite no. MBTI is simply one lens of looking at this situation. 🔍👀

The human mind is a complex mine of mystery to excavate. Considering each individual is unique and different from another, there's never a fixed one-for-all explanation for why certain people behave in a specific way. Otherwise, the Psychology field wouldn't have been as necessary and complex as we know it. Fascinating shows like Brilliant Minds, House M.D., and Monk, or movies like Marvel Studios' Thunderbolts*, Inside Out, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind wouldn't have existed. 📽🖥

(Source: TheTinySage)

Pure selfless people, as in all-out ultimate caregivers, exist and might have been born that way. These individuals, who I think are quite rare, are living angels on Earth whose calling and passion are to serve others. Mother Teresa, Pope Francis, and divine inspirations like Siddhartha Gautama and Jesus of Nazareth come to mind. Of course, I might be wrong, as I never met them in person. But their work and devotion to others speak for themselves. As TheTinySage words it, these people have a heart that "loves loudly in a world that listens quietly." 🙏🏻👂🏻

It's also possible that some are shaped to be selfless because of the circumstances around them. Such situations shifted their mindset from looking inward to outward. We've seen or read stories of little kids becoming their disabled parents' caretakers early on. They mature much faster than they should. Before they know it, they've exhibited parental traits that lead them toward being there for others beyond themselves. 👶🏻👨🏻

Speaking of parenting, others might have developed similar caregiving traits through their uneasy upbringing. Hold on. Isn't that ironic? Not really. Alain de Botton of The School of Life frequently examines this notion. In this scenario, the parents are alive and well, but one or both are emotionally unavailable. De Botton's analysis notes that those who are neglected or treated poorly as children tend to develop specific emotions or feelings once they grow up. In Psychology, I believe that's called Attachment Styles. 🙄

(Source: The School of Life)

Absence of attention may lead them to care so much for others. People who do so, in most cases, know how it feels to be ignored and stranded without help. That's why they can go to unexpected lengths to support others. In a way, caring becomes an unconscious second nature because they were never cared for. Like the video above posited, it could be an attempted rescue in progress as they assume the role of a "compulsive caregiver." 💓⛔️

The bitter truth is that not everyone understands them or can see their actions through their eyes. Likewise, the issue arises if (or when) someone who cares too much rendezvous with their hidden childhood pain. A desire to be loved and noticed that they never received! 💔😔

When that happens, their action may have also been their unconscious way to silently whisper, not shout, "I'm here. See, me. Notice me." But it comes with an unusual denial, since they never experienced one before. It's accompanied by hesitance, as they've trained themselves that expressing their desires may push their loved ones away. They don't want to be bothersome, a nuisance, or a "real pain." And what happens then, if that degree of attention they crave isn't reciprocated? 💕✋🏻

Such a situation becomes an imbalanced tightrope. Eventually, it builds up to a severe burnout that may snap the rope as soon as the weight gets too heavy. In many unfortunate cases, that table-turning moment may drastically transform these caring people into their complete opposite. Or they just walk away, silently but surely, without warning, thinking that nobody would notice. 🚶🏻💬

(Source: TheTinySage)

An Insightful Angle to Consider

A different angle may frame that non-existent mutualism. It lies in a certainty I often cite as a reminder to myself and others. 

Different people have distinct personalities.

First, it's been a common case among people who care too much to pursue the unavailable. A curious custom, you say? I agree! Unfortunately, it's real and explains why numerous relationships or connections don't gel as smoothly as they seem on paper. They're caring for the ones who don't. 😍👻

Some people don't even realize that's the case until the truth zaps them like thunder somewhere down the line. A regional high-profile celebrity couple just announced their separation after almost a decade of marriage. The reason? Reports revealed the wife was "emotionally unavailable" while the husband is the "avoidant" type. 😟🤷‍♂️

Avoidant here refers to one of the attachment styles I mentioned above. There are four types: one Secure, and three insecure (Avoidant, Anxious, Disorganized). See? Even that classification already lacks balance. For every Anxious type who's preoccupied with the desire to love and be loved, there are two Avoidants who dismiss that closeness or escape from it as a coping mechanism. Put them in one room, and it's not exactly a steady standing. ⚖️🙅‍♀️

If I use MBTI to explain this, it's akin to how ESFJs and ISFJs would focus too much on cleaning the messes of other types. That harmless act can be problematic in an ironic way. After all, other types do NOT think or act the same way as the SFJ duo. They have their unique styles in showing care. If the SFJs aren't aware of that, they might assume other types don't care for them in return.

"Sometimes we treat the people we care about as representations of ourselves. We want to mold them into what we need them to be so that our lives can be more comfortable."

—Oliver Wolf, Brilliant Minds (S02E04)

How about seeing it from the Love Languages angle? Mismatched care languages also factor in a disjointed perception. The manga-to-anime Ame to Kimi to shows a gentle example of this. In episode 2, Fuji, the introverted main character, repeatedly avoided her father, Tatsuo, who wanted to visit her. Tatsuo is a blatant example of someone who cares too much, with his frequent visits to check on Fuji and bearing gifts of all sorts. 😎🤦🏻‍♀️

Tatsuo's care language is highly likely to be Quality Time and Gifts. Meanwhile, Fuji's is an Act of Services. At a glance, they seem to show an odd dynamic, seemingly alluding to how Fuji doesn't like him. However, Fuji's primary school neighbor, a perceptive mixed-German girl, Kii, noticed something more upon seeing Fuji and Tatsuo's interaction. 😏🤭

"You didn't want to see your dad, because you didn't want to worry him. That shows you're sweet. I'm sure of it."

— Kii, Ame to Kimi to (Episode 2)  

Later on, the series further examines the different types through Fuji's friends since high school, Mimi and Ren, with their varying personalities. Of course, this is a fictional story, so the trio gets along well. But imagine if either of these characters expects the others to return care in the way they do. For example, Mimi takes it negatively that Fuji always declines invitations for a group beach trip or never lets her read Fuji's novel. That would have created conflict and tension. Right?

(Source: CrunchyRoll)

I once interacted with a lady who had just undergone a serious health procedure. She expressed her sadness that none of her friends visited or helped during her recovery. It made her feel like she had no true friends, despite always being there for others through ups and downs. 🤕😰

Annoyingly enough, some folks started placing "blame" on her for not speaking up or reaching out to her friends. "How would they know that you need them?" they argued. To be fair, it's not an incorrect suggestion. Even if it could be worded more nicely. 😬🙄

Here's the thing. The lady eventually revealed she did have someone she considers a best friend who lives a few hours away. So, I encouraged her to give her best friend a casual call, just to say hi. It might help remind her that she's not alone. Her response, however, only proved how her selfless persona was noble, but also a hurdle. "She has kids to take care of. And she had plenty of things to handle. I wouldn't want to burden her and make her worry," the lady affirmed. That's why she chose to wait in silence. For a support that never came. 💔😞

"It's easy to assume that everyone is just okay, but sometimes... they just aren't."

—Charles-Haden Savage, Only Murders in the Building (S05E09).

Just to be clear, I'm not saying that the people who care too much are at fault. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be cared for, loved, or at least seen the same way, especially if they have always been a center of one. It just means they are humans whose depository can run out. ✋🏻😲

Yet, at the same time, it may not be the recipient of their care's fault either. They operate in their own rhythm. Perhaps their hands are tied up by studies or work. The “lack of care” isn't automatically a sure sign they don't. As such, should we even play the blame game here? 👉🏻🤔👈🏻

There's a lesson in those examples. What's missing is often the wisdom and understanding of other people's unique character and situation. Silence and distance can be a form of care. But that doesn't work for everyone. Often, a gentle nudge wouldn't hurt and may be appreciated. They're not psychics who can read our minds, and we don't know theirs either. Some people over-function, while others under-function. That's just how it is. Without communication, a connection can fall apart. 👍🏻👎🏻

An Inner Harmony

By realizing, knowing, and accepting how others behave or think, we can train ourselves to manage our expectations accordingly. Over time, it may also clear out excess doubt about whether they care for us equally or not. Spoiler alert: some silently do. Some simply don't. 😌🙄

People can change, especially if they're willing and open to the idea or if their situation demands it. The majority, however, can't, don't, and won't. Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist, blatantly wrote that the latter forms a heaping number of NINETY-FIVE percent of the population, not just her clients. That's only five percent short of everyone! 😱

Hence, expecting others to change—more so to fit the image in one's mind—may be futile. It might be like wanting a frog to jump over the moon. The ones who care do care, even if they have other ways of showing it. But the ones who don't care won't care, even if we jump over the moon for them. They are who they are; there's no reshaping their mold. 😇😈

A wiser approach, should you choose to accept it (cue Mission Impossible theme song dun, dun, dun-dun), is to start the change from within instead. To start with the one in the mirror (literally speaking, not a late Halloween horror hint here 👻). After all, that's the one thing everyone has full authority to control. ☝🏻🤗

By all means, please DON'T read that as a push to start shapeshifting into a cold or ruthless person! I've witnessed many previously caring people go down that route. They've become too jaded and chose to close their hearts for good, not letting anyone else in anymore. 🙇🏻😫

Can't say I blame them. Heck, I used to be one. 😐🤷🏻‍♂️

So, why care at all, you probably wonder? Because this world, our shared space, has gotten so dark that it greatly needs more genuine care and kindness. 😞🙏🏻

Furthermore, the thought of losing our benevolent virtue just because of the disjointed way others treat us breaks my heart. It means tearing down our inner nature in the process. With the same logic I stated above: Why should we be the ones changing for their sake? Why are we becoming a carbon copy of them? Why dim the light that makes us shine? ✋🏻😥

(Source: Google Gemini. Inspired by Oscar Wilde's "The Happy Prince")

My suggestion may sound weird, but please, DON'T STOP CARING. The change I'm referring to here is not about our personalities. It means taking proactive steps to shift OUR MINDSET from "caring too much" into "caring more wisely." Think of it as a way to have the best of both worlds. We can stay caring as always, but without feeling the pain that follows. 🙏🏻

How to do that? It lies in the way we shape our responses in a situation and redirect our focus. Practice self-restraint to know when, where, and how much care we should pour for others. And do that in moderation! That's called Stoic Philosophy.

Another viable method is to balance it out. If our past tendency is to give 100% of our time and resources to help or support others, how about splitting that percentage of care into a different equation? Say, 50% for others, and 50% for someone who also needs it: ourselves! That way, we don't lose who we are in the process. We care but also receive the care we need in return, even if only from ourselves (for now). Putting ourselves first isn't selfish. 🤗😌

Let's also try to stop making excuses and embrace the people around us for who they are. Trust your gut feeling and listen closely. Often, it already senses the kind of people we're dealing with. We never expect a fish to fly when we know they can only swim. If we desire a juicy fruit on top of a tall tree, we wouldn't hold out hope that an oceanic fish will do the task for us. Right? 🌲🦈

On that note, let's also understand and teach ourselves one glaring inevitability: Our care may often be one-sided, and THAT'S OKAY. To know full well, with a clear conscience, that NOT everyone will, may, or can reciprocate similarly in the way we expect or assume. We care in one way, and others in their own. Asymmetry in emotional expression isn't a bad thing. Imbalance becomes an art, too. 🌞🌚

More importantly, remember that we have the agency to choose WHO can receive our care. If we have so much care to give, how about channeling our abundance of care to the homeless, the unprivileged kids, or other humanitarian causes? They need compassion and kindness, but rarely receive them, too. 😌💞

Keep an open mind and expand our lines of sight. Different recipients may need or deserve our care better. These people are probably not in our train of life right now. But they will board the carriage at the next station. Or, hear me out, we might have met them already! Yet we've unconsciously dismissed their presence. We were too busy fixating on the broken and bad batches or chasing the ones who can't and don't choose us. 😳🤦🏻‍♂️

Stay kind and caring! Keep our inner harmony alive, even when it feels out of balance at times. So, when life finally directs us to our people, our tribe, the rare ones who are also overlooked, they can recognize our presence from those compassionate chords in our hearts. If we stop caring, how would they resonate and complete our melody? 🎼🎶 

(Source: CaroleKingVEVO)