Foraged Feelings: Curating Courage

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Sometimes, something isn't for long-form writing. Moments and memories. The unspoken stories. Fragments of emotion put poetry in motion. Closure or healing, through Foraged Feelings...

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Curating Courage

Framing an Imbalanced Harmony

(Source: Randy Newman)

Anyone who's a moviegoer, if not a certified cinephile, or listens to the radio, if not an avid audiophile, will most likely know the song above. At the very least, it's a familiar sound they must have heard somewhere, somehow. After all, it's a classic, timeless tune that's just tenderly heartfelt. Often, the laid-back melodies and lyrical message hit us right in the feels. 🎶💘

"If you've got troubles, and I've got 'em too

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you

We stick together, we can see it through

'Cause you've got a friend in me"

— Randy Newman, "You’ve Got a Friend in Me" (1995)

Those lines, in particular, speak of the enduring loyalty and bond that Sheriff Woody Pride and Buzz Lightyear have shared for 30 years. 🤠🤝👨🏻‍🚀 

Personally, the iconic theme evokes a bittersweet nostalgia for the bygone days. A relic of a timid time and calm connection that are no longer here! But what do you think of it? Do you agree with the story of friendship that the song serenades? Or perhaps, contrary to the general notion, you feel that it's somewhat unrealistic and too good to be true? 😨🤷🏻‍♂️

You're not alone in thinking that way. On the one hand, the idealized lines sound inspiring and, in some cases, aren't illusory. But on the other hand, not everyone has the luxury of living them in reality. The inquisitive question is: Do those sentences go both ways, from the singer to and fro the listener (much like Woody and Buzz)? Or is it merely a one-way trip (much like Woody and his first owner, Andy)? 🤔

An Imbalanced Reality

Last month, I explored the imperfect notion of finding balance. To reiterate, the definition of perfection always depends on the doers. Regardless, balance remains a necessary essence everyone should strive for, such as ensuring a proper divide between our daily work and life juggles. It should apply to human connections, either in friendship or in a relationship, too. Theoretically, that is. 😐💭

As written on that post, being a part of human nature, we tend to pursue perfection. Boosted by societal demand or pressure, we're inspired and often pushed to do so. To seek friends, lovers, and lifelong partners who are perfect. Still, the stark reality is that chasing such a grand idea of a perfect connection may not be realistic. In many cases, it could end up drifting us into dangerous waters. Just like the characters in Jurassic World: Rebirth! ⛵️🦖

The more I ponder, wonder, and yonder on that idea, the more curious I've become about one analysis. Can ANY human connection, run and riddled with flawed human nature, ever form a balanced bond? Mutual is possible, no doubt. A balanced one, though? Hmmmm. Add to that the question about the song earlier, and the matter gets murkier. 🤔⁉️

(Source: Psych2Go)

Such a thought only reminds me of the many, not just one or two, posts I've read online, lamenting about how they are "tired of always being the one to initiate dialogue" or "it hurts not to be treated kindly, even though I have given everything to them." Maybe, as you're reading this, your inner heart equally whispers, "Yes, that's me!" I'm not ashamed to admit I've boarded that ship as well. 🙄😓

Besides watching the Psych2Go video above, try to scroll through the comment section. Well, through any psychology-themed videos centering on connection, actually. You'll realize a pattern that screams one shared fact. People yearn to feel loved. That's why they work hard, often too hard, to care for or love others. Regrettably, they get less or even nothing in return. 💔😩

We don't even need to look hard for more examples. Observe the people around you, and you'll notice that. In one dynamic or another, the weight tends to tilt to one side. Whether among friends or couples, there's always an active party and a passive member. In short, imbalanced connections persist. Furthermore, there are plenty. 🙅🏻‍♂️🙆🏻‍♀️

An Influx of Care

Those are the classic cases of people who care too much. It's a type that spreads everywhere across the planet, as illustrated by various examples in real life and fiction. 💫🌏

Haru, the lead character in the stop-motion Pokémon Concierge, is one example. "The way she always puts the needs of others first is something I've never seen before," her supervisor, Ms. Watanabe, praised in Episode 8. Similarly, Touru Honda from the renowned shoujo manga Fruits Basket consistently puts the needs and feelings of others. She even lived in a tent after her mother's death to avoid burdening her grandfather. 🥺🙏

One Piece's resident doctor, Tony Tony Chopper, has a noble dream to "cure every disease." More importantly, he goes to extreme lengths for his friends. One of his memorable lines even proclaimed, "If I can be of any help, I'll even become a real monster!" And let's not forget this intense character from Parks and Recreation with his iconic, incurable "medical condition." 👏😳

(Source: Parks and Recreation)

Why are there so many cases of these selfless people, though? Well, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI for short, but you likely already know that 😅) may have the answer. Look, I get it. Not everyone agrees with the popular psychology test because it’s pseudoscience. That's fair. Even so, the system does give a hint as to why some people care too much. It classifies not one but two personality types that fit such a tendency. And their naming and symbolism alone probably already speak volumes. 🧡👍🏻

First is ESFJ, the Consul or Caregiver who's generally depicted as a Parental or Guardian figure. The second is none other than ISFJ, the Defender or Protector, who's generally depicted as a Nurse. ESFJ people are natural caring altruists who take responsibilities seriously to give back, serve others, and do the right thing. Meanwhile, ISFJ people are supposedly the mothers or eldest siblings of their groups who would go to great lengths for the people they care about. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧👨‍⚕️ 

The biggest downside of those two "people-centered" types? An ESFJ often gives all of themselves to others, risking emotional exhaustion or burnout. An ISFJ spares no effort to help others, a strong value that can lead to self-sacrificing acts, considering their inner drive to put others' needs above their own. 💝💖

Even though they are clearly different in how they gain their energy (the extroverted one from people, the other from solitude), their traits are very similar that it can be hard to tell them apart. Both shine through their natures: loyal, thoughtful, attentive, and selfless. They strive to maintain harmony and may avoid conflict, sometimes at the expense of their needs or by suppressing unhappy feelings. Deeply sensitive, they take things personally, either by being critical or repressing emotions. 🧺💛

Unsurprisingly, a study in November 2024 once again ranked ESFJ and ISFJ among the top three (alongside the dependable ISTJ) most common types in the US. Combined, they make up 26.1%, or more than a quarter. The numbers in other countries vary, but are generally still high. 🌎📊

So, if anyone ever wondered why the world seems full of people who give and give and give? Well, thank the ISFJs and ESFJs for that. They’re everywhere, and caring is practically their second language. Alas, from a different perspective, now it starts to make more sense why so many people are simply wired to care too much, huh? 😲🤦‍♂️

An Introspective Analysis

Is that the sole reason why some people care too much? The answer to that is a definite no. MBTI is simply one lens of looking at this situation. 🔍👀

The human mind is a complex mine of mystery to excavate. Considering each individual is unique and different from another, there's never a fixed one-for-all explanation for why certain people behave in a specific way. Otherwise, the Psychology field wouldn't have been as necessary and complex as we know it. Fascinating shows like Brilliant Minds, House M.D., and Monk, or movies like Marvel Studios' Thunderbolts*, Inside Out, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind wouldn't have existed. 📽🖥

(Source: TheTinySage)

Pure selfless people, as in all-out ultimate caregivers, exist and might have been born that way. These individuals, who I think are quite rare, are living angels on Earth whose calling and passion are to serve others. Mother Teresa, Pope Francis, and divine inspirations like Siddhartha Gautama and Jesus of Nazareth come to mind. Of course, I might be wrong, as I never met them in person. But their work and devotion to others speak for themselves. As TheTinySage words it, these people have a heart that "loves loudly in a world that listens quietly." 🙏🏻👂🏻

It's also possible that some are shaped to be selfless because of the circumstances around them. Such situations shifted their mindset from looking inward to outward. We've seen or read stories of little kids becoming their disabled parents' caretakers early on. They mature much faster than they should. Before they know it, they've exhibited parental traits that lead them toward being there for others beyond themselves. 👶🏻👨🏻

Speaking of parenting, others might have developed similar caregiving traits through their uneasy upbringing. Hold on. Isn't that ironic? Not really. Alain de Botton of The School of Life frequently examines this notion. In this scenario, the parents are alive and well, but one or both are emotionally unavailable. De Botton's analysis notes that those who are neglected or treated poorly as children tend to develop specific emotions or feelings once they grow up. In Psychology, I believe that's called Attachment Styles. 🙄

(Source: The School of Life)

Absence of attention may lead them to care so much for others. People who do so, in most cases, know how it feels to be ignored and stranded without help. That's why they can go to unexpected lengths to support others. In a way, caring becomes an unconscious second nature because they were never cared for. Like the video above posited, it could be an attempted rescue in progress as they assume the role of a "compulsive caregiver." 💓⛔️

The bitter truth is that not everyone understands them or can see their actions through their eyes. Likewise, the issue arises if (or when) someone who cares too much rendezvous with their hidden childhood pain. A desire to be loved and noticed that they never received! 💔😔

When that happens, their action may have also been their unconscious way to silently whisper, not shout, "I'm here. See, me. Notice me." But it comes with an unusual denial, since they never experienced one before. It's accompanied by hesitance, as they've trained themselves that expressing their desires may push their loved ones away. They don't want to be bothersome, a nuisance, or a "real pain." And what happens then, if that degree of attention they crave isn't reciprocated? 💕✋🏻

Such a situation becomes an imbalanced tightrope. Eventually, it builds up to a severe burnout that may snap the rope as soon as the weight gets too heavy. In many unfortunate cases, that table-turning moment may drastically transform these caring people into their complete opposite. Or they just walk away, silently but surely, without warning, thinking that nobody would notice. 🚶🏻💬

(Source: TheTinySage)

An Insightful Angle to Consider

A different angle may frame that non-existent mutualism. It lies in a certainty I often cite as a reminder to myself and others. 

Different people have distinct personalities.

First, it's been a common case among people who care too much to pursue the unavailable. A curious custom, you say? I agree! Unfortunately, it's real and explains why numerous relationships or connections don't gel as smoothly as they seem on paper. They're caring for the ones who don't. 😍👻

Some people don't even realize that's the case until the truth zaps them like thunder somewhere down the line. A regional high-profile celebrity couple just announced their separation after almost a decade of marriage. The reason? Reports revealed the wife was "emotionally unavailable" while the husband is the "avoidant" type. 😟🤷‍♂️

Avoidant here refers to one of the attachment styles I mentioned above. There are four types: one Secure, and three insecure (Avoidant, Anxious, Disorganized). See? Even that classification already lacks balance. For every Anxious type who's preoccupied with the desire to love and be loved, there are two Avoidants who dismiss that closeness or escape from it as a coping mechanism. Put them in one room, and it's not exactly a steady standing. ⚖️🙅‍♀️

If I use MBTI to explain this, it's akin to how ESFJs and ISFJs would focus too much on cleaning the messes of other types. That harmless act can be problematic in an ironic way. After all, other types do NOT think or act the same way as the SFJ duo. They have their unique styles in showing care. If the SFJs aren't aware of that, they might assume other types don't care for them in return.

"Sometimes we treat the people we care about as representations of ourselves. We want to mold them into what we need them to be so that our lives can be more comfortable."

—Oliver Wolf, Brilliant Minds (S02E04)

How about seeing it from the Love Languages angle? Mismatched care languages also factor in a disjointed perception. The manga-to-anime Ame to Kimi to shows a gentle example of this. In episode 2, Fuji, the introverted main character, repeatedly avoided her father, Tatsuo, who wanted to visit her. Tatsuo is a blatant example of someone who cares too much, with his frequent visits to check on Fuji and bearing gifts of all sorts. 😎🤦🏻‍♀️

Tatsuo's care language is highly likely to be Quality Time and Gifts. Meanwhile, Fuji's is an Act of Services. At a glance, they seem to show an odd dynamic, seemingly alluding to how Fuji doesn't like him. However, Fuji's primary school neighbor, a perceptive mixed-German girl, Kii, noticed something more upon seeing Fuji and Tatsuo's interaction. 😏🤭

"You didn't want to see your dad, because you didn't want to worry him. That shows you're sweet. I'm sure of it."

— Kii, Ame to Kimi to (Episode 2)  

Later on, the series further examines the different types through Fuji's friends since high school, Mimi and Ren, with their varying personalities. Of course, this is a fictional story, so the trio gets along well. But imagine if either of these characters expects the others to return care in the way they do. For example, Mimi takes it negatively that Fuji always declines invitations for a group beach trip or never lets her read Fuji's novel. That would have created conflict and tension. Right?

(Source: CrunchyRoll)

I once interacted with a lady who had just undergone a serious health procedure. She expressed her sadness that none of her friends visited or helped during her recovery. It made her feel like she had no true friends, despite always being there for others through ups and downs. 🤕😰

Annoyingly enough, some folks started placing "blame" on her for not speaking up or reaching out to her friends. "How would they know that you need them?" they argued. To be fair, it's not an incorrect suggestion. Even if it could be worded more nicely. 😬🙄

Here's the thing. The lady eventually revealed she did have someone she considers a best friend who lives a few hours away. So, I encouraged her to give her best friend a casual call, just to say hi. It might help remind her that she's not alone. Her response, however, only proved how her selfless persona was noble, but also a hurdle. "She has kids to take care of. And she had plenty of things to handle. I wouldn't want to burden her and make her worry," the lady affirmed. That's why she chose to wait in silence. For a support that never came. 💔😞

"It's easy to assume that everyone is just okay, but sometimes... they just aren't."

—Charles-Haden Savage, Only Murders in the Building (S05E09).

Just to be clear, I'm not saying that the people who care too much are at fault. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be cared for, loved, or at least seen the same way, especially if they have always been a center of one. It just means they are humans whose depository can run out. ✋🏻😲

Yet, at the same time, it may not be the recipient of their care's fault either. They operate in their own rhythm. Perhaps their hands are tied up by studies or work. The “lack of care” isn't automatically a sure sign they don't. As such, should we even play the blame game here? 👉🏻🤔👈🏻

There's a lesson in those examples. What's missing is often the wisdom and understanding of other people's unique character and situation. Silence and distance can be a form of care. But that doesn't work for everyone. Often, a gentle nudge wouldn't hurt and may be appreciated. They're not psychics who can read our minds, and we don't know theirs either. Some people over-function, while others under-function. That's just how it is. Without communication, a connection can fall apart. 👍🏻👎🏻

An Inner Harmony

By realizing, knowing, and accepting how others behave or think, we can train ourselves to manage our expectations accordingly. Over time, it may also clear out excess doubt about whether they care for us equally or not. Spoiler alert: some silently do. Some simply don't. 😌🙄

People can change, especially if they're willing and open to the idea or if their situation demands it. The majority, however, can't, don't, and won't. Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist, blatantly wrote that the latter forms a heaping number of NINETY-FIVE percent of the population, not just her clients. That's only five percent short of everyone! 😱

Hence, expecting others to change—more so to fit the image in one's mind—may be futile. It might be like wanting a frog to jump over the moon. The ones who care do care, even if they have other ways of showing it. But the ones who don't care won't care, even if we jump over the moon for them. They are who they are; there's no reshaping their mold. 😇😈

A wiser approach, should you choose to accept it (cue Mission Impossible theme song dun, dun, dun-dun), is to start the change from within instead. To start with the one in the mirror (literally speaking, not a late Halloween horror hint here 👻). After all, that's the one thing everyone has full authority to control. ☝🏻🤗

By all means, please DON'T read that as a push to start shapeshifting into a cold or ruthless person! I've witnessed many previously caring people go down that route. They've become too jaded and chose to close their hearts for good, not letting anyone else in anymore. 🙇🏻😫

Can't say I blame them. Heck, I used to be one. 😐🤷🏻‍♂️

So, why care at all, you probably wonder? Because this world, our shared space, has gotten so dark that it greatly needs more genuine care and kindness. 😞🙏🏻

Furthermore, the thought of losing our benevolent virtue just because of the disjointed way others treat us breaks my heart. It means tearing down our inner nature in the process. With the same logic I stated above: Why should we be the ones changing for their sake? Why are we becoming a carbon copy of them? Why dim the light that makes us shine? ✋🏻😥

(Source: Google Gemini. Inspired by Oscar Wilde's "The Happy Prince")

My suggestion may sound weird, but please, DON'T STOP CARING. The change I'm referring to here is not about our personalities. It means taking proactive steps to shift OUR MINDSET from "caring too much" into "caring more wisely." Think of it as a way to have the best of both worlds. We can stay caring as always, but without feeling the pain that follows. 🙏🏻

How to do that? It lies in the way we shape our responses in a situation and redirect our focus. Practice self-restraint to know when, where, and how much care we should pour for others. And do that in moderation! That's called Stoic Philosophy.

Another viable method is to balance it out. If our past tendency is to give 100% of our time and resources to help or support others, how about splitting that percentage of care into a different equation? Say, 50% for others, and 50% for someone who also needs it: ourselves! That way, we don't lose who we are in the process. We care but also receive the care we need in return, even if only from ourselves (for now). Putting ourselves first isn't selfish. 🤗😌

Let's also try to stop making excuses and embrace the people around us for who they are. Trust your gut feeling and listen closely. Often, it already senses the kind of people we're dealing with. We never expect a fish to fly when we know they can only swim. If we desire a juicy fruit on top of a tall tree, we wouldn't hold out hope that an oceanic fish will do the task for us. Right? 🌲🦈

On that note, let's also understand and teach ourselves one glaring inevitability: Our care may often be one-sided, and THAT'S OKAY. To know full well, with a clear conscience, that NOT everyone will, may, or can reciprocate similarly in the way we expect or assume. We care in one way, and others in their own. Asymmetry in emotional expression isn't a bad thing. Imbalance becomes an art, too. 🌞🌚

More importantly, remember that we have the agency to choose WHO can receive our care. If we have so much care to give, how about channeling our abundance of care to the homeless, the unprivileged kids, or other humanitarian causes? They need compassion and kindness, but rarely receive them, too. 😌💞

Keep an open mind and expand our lines of sight. Different recipients may need or deserve our care better. These people are probably not in our train of life right now. But they will board the carriage at the next station. Or, hear me out, we might have met them already! Yet we've unconsciously dismissed their presence. We were too busy fixating on the broken and bad batches or chasing the ones who can't and don't choose us. 😳🤦🏻‍♂️

Stay kind and caring! Keep our inner harmony alive, even when it feels out of balance at times. So, when life finally directs us to our people, our tribe, the rare ones who are also overlooked, they can recognize our presence from those compassionate chords in our hearts. If we stop caring, how would they resonate and complete our melody? 🎼🎶 

(Source: CaroleKingVEVO)

Fumbling for a Perfect Balance

 

(Source: Google Gemini)

Throughout my current art-related endeavor, I've been constantly reminded of one theme: BALANCE. In a way, I've also needed to remind others about it. After all, balance is a foundation of artistic aesthetics. Not every high-profile art form is designed in smooth symmetry. Yet, a degree of balance is always present to even out the elements, whether through a hint of hues or the placement of pieces. 🖼️🖋️

Such a fundamental concept eventually inspired this piece. Today is October 10, a double-digit or repetitive date. While it's not technically a palindrome, it consists of the same numerical value on both sides. A kind of numerical symmetry! They even out the scales to form what I often brand as "A Perfectly Balanced" day. ⚖️🔟

Why is that, you ask? Because, you know... what the number 10 and the 10th month generally represent and all? Okay, bear with me as we explore some symbolizations first. 😅🙏🏻

A Ten in Twofold

Based on Western (or Ancient Greek, to be accurate) astrology, the sun resides in the sign of LIBRA beginning around September 23 until October 22/23. Therefore, the first three weeks or the first half of October are definitely considered the heart of Libra Season. ♎

True to its constellation, Libra has the symbol of a weighing scale. You've probably known that by now, of course. Unless you've somehow avoided any knowledge surrounding horoscopes and/or astronomy all your life. Seriously, though, the word "Libra" itself means "Scales" in Latin and its original language. To further prove the notion, Ancient Rome later used the word as a unit of weight. Hence, unlike the metric system, which uses grams, a pound is always shortened as lb. 🌟

Fascinatingly, Libra is the only zodiac sign of the big twelve (or thirteen, if you prefer the newer version) that's represented by an object. Sure, Libra's origin is usually tied to Themis, the Goddess of Law and Order. However, the sign specifically represents her Scales of Justice, not the goddess herself. Thus, it makes logical sense why Libra often serves as a symbol of fairness, objectivity, and most of all, equal BALANCE. 🤷🏻

With the stars out of the way (it's daytime anyway 🌞), let's move on to the number TEN itself. Do you know that the double-digit debut in the decimal system is one of the happy numbers? No, I'm not kidding! It's a thing, just ask any mathematician. But if we explore further beyond its scholastic scope, the number ten has more to it than we think. 🔟

Ten is arguably rooted in humans, considering we generally have ten fingers on our hands and feet. It is how the idea or method of counting begins in a person's early years. Little kids use their fingers to understand numerical progression. And due to our physical/biological design that I just pointed out, the cycle always concludes in tens. 🙌🏻

Furthermore, several beliefs treat numbers to specific degrees, ten included. Biblically, ten is the symbol of completeness. In Judaism, ten is considered a holy number that represents union, a collection, or a framework for transformation. Pythagoreanism views the number as "unity arising from multiplicity," considering 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = 10. They call it "the most perfect number" and a symbol of perfection or completeness. ⛪🕍🔺

Put two and two together—or rather, TEN (the month) and TEN (the date)? Then it's a combo that represents balance and perfection. In summary, a Perfectly Balanced date. Would you agree? 🤭

A Pursuit of Perfection

That brings me to a curious question: What does PERFECT mean? 🤔😐

For so long, humanity has pursued the idea of perfection. That mindset applies to all kinds of angles and disciplines, even from a young age. In many countries, including mine, schools usually mark 10 (or 100, which is, you know, 10 times 10) as the PERFECT SCORE. No mistake, no flaw! The Highest Point (rarely given, cough cough)! 💯

Yes, many of our academic institutions have shifted to the letter grading system in recent decades. But even an A or A+ remains equivalent to the numerical value of 8,0 to, drumrolls, 10,0. Other schools and universities opt for a grade based on excellence instead. Then again, an Excellent score is, in essence, just another name for Perfection. 👌🏻👍🏼

As such, most of us, if not everyone, are accustomed to chasing that ultimate score even after we have left the scholarly settings. We're always striving for the perfect job, idolizing those perfect pairings we see in the media, or dreaming of that perfect life partner. It's unconsciously ingrained in our heads to the point we tend to grade items or people the same way. How else did that viral TikTok-later-X trend "He’s a 10 but" come to be? 🤣

By the way, do you know there's even a WikiHow page for that? Hahaha. 🤭

Right on cue, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, the word "Perfect" refers to this list of definitions:

• Complete and correct in every way, of the best possible type or without fault. 
• Exactly right for someone or something. 
• To make something free from faults.
• Complete and right in every way; having nothing wrong.
• Exactly right for a particular purpose or situation; being the best possible.

Oof! That's a tall order, eh? Talk about one impeccable and, arguably, flawless word! Philosophically speaking, however, it's a question as old as time. And to help shed light on its ambiguity, Viktoriya Sus published a fascinating piece about it. Her writing explored various famous figures' perspectives, which unsurprisingly led to a similar conclusion:   

"Perfection is a subjective, personal journey of continuous growth and authenticity."

Nobody (except GOD Almighty?) and nothing will ever be perfect in life. It's an imperfect world, after all. And, believe it or not, that's not just my personal take on the matter. Plato believed so, too. Perfection is always in the eye of the beholder. Or, as Jean-Paul Sartre noted, perfection is "Something one creates for oneself." What one thinks is perfect may not or never be the same as what others have in mind. 😌🙄

A Life for Work or a Work for Life?

Do you see yourself as a perfectionist? I don't consider myself to be one. That said, some of my friends and acquaintances have told me that I CAN seem like one. 😳

Come to think of it, maybe they're not so wrong after all. 🤔

Little, menial, fixable flaws DO bother me. Commenting on social media, for example, can be a chore if an EDIT function is available at all times. A missing space, a displaced apostrophe, a simple, harmless TYPO will trigger me to click that button and revise my lines. Once. Twice. Thrice. YIKES! Likewise, my writing would often go through repeated reviews until I "feel good" about it. That's why it may take some time to finalize. 😅🤦🏻‍♂️

But on the other side of the equation, it doesn't take a genius to see that I'm also not perfect in plenty of ways. I mean, didn't I recently share how I struggle keeping the puzzle pieces of my daily duties intact? The recurring burnout during my previous job is also evident enough. Right? Hahaha. Ugh! 😩

Nevertheless, I'm sure I'm not the only one juggling a lot on their hands. Otherwise, all those think pieces about the "Work and Personal Life Balance" wouldn't be so prevalent. In fact, more companies are now deploying means to support each individual's well-being. The concept of the Four Pillars of Wellbeing has aptly demonstrated it. 😲

It makes a lot of, if not perfect, sense, naturally. As a person ages, life delivers more professional demands, whether from school or job responsibilities. Then there's the societal, familial, and implicitly personal pressure to always be productive and successful. When those stack on top of one another, it may feel like an unending, heavy burden that hangs the person in a risky balance. A slight tip of the scales, and the tilted result might make or break said subject. Either they rise up exhaustingly to the top, or they go down to an overwhelmed low. ☝🏻👎🏻 

To see where you might stand on this issue, some questions you can ask yourselves are:

• Am I genuinely enjoying my work? Or just trying not to feel overwhelmed by it... 💼
• Can I correctly share how my child is doing at school, remember the last time I celebrated my spouse or partner's achievement, or recall the funniest moment during my sibling's birthday party? 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦🎉 
• Do I keep in touch with my friends, near and far? And say that I know what's happening in their colorful lives lately? 💬🌈
• Could I still find time, or even make time to engage in my hobbies? To do light exercises, at least... 🎨🏃‍♀️
• Would I feel guilty if I need to step away from my digital devices to, I don't know, uhm, rest? To dwell in delight, in the downtime? 📱🧘‍♀️
• Why am I doing everything I do? Is it because they fulfill me? Or simply because I have to... 🤔
• How am I really doing and feeling about my life in general right now? If I'm being frank, that is. 💭
• What kind of life will I see myself in a year, five years, or a decade from now? Would that be one where life always gets in the way? Or the other way around, where life gives all the way! 🌅

In the list above, the first four cover work, family, social, and self angles. A full-on "YES" as the answer to those means I'm green with envy at you! Hahaha. That hints you've already gotten a well-balanced life. And you probably sashayed yourself through the second half of the questions like a ballroom champion. Take pride in that! 💃🏻👍🏻

A Workaround That May Work

Of course, there's nothing wrong with getting less-than-perfect answers to those casual questions. After all, as explored before, perfection is subjective. There were only 8 points, anyway, so the total score would never net you a perfect 100. Oh, hey, but remember! 80 usually still counts as A. 😁

Grading jokes aside, you should be able to identify which areas you can improve from those points. Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither is our ability to balance life properly. While some may reach that goal easily, most of us require time and patience through slow but progressive efforts. Fortunately, guidelines and approaches are present to support the process. 😌

Have you heard of the 8-8-8 rule? It's not necessarily a perfect double 10. But having an 8 on each corner with a third sitting in the center does provide an equilibrium state. Right? ⚖️

The 8-8-8 rule is a time management technique that seems, well, simple and straightforward. It divides an entire day into three parts: 8 hours for focused work, 8 hours for leisure activities, and 8 hours for proper sleep. The three-way balance ensures all elements enrich one's productivity and happiness level. 💙

Sleep is the most self-explanatory part. Any human being needs to recharge their biological state, which in turn helps ensure the right stamina for the other two. Focused work can be a job or a study, but also includes the necessary short breaks to avoid burnout. Lastly, leisure activities refer to the time when we can incorporate distinct hobbies or moments for family and friends. That's equally important as sleep, considering this is where we infuse dopamine-boosting joy. 🙂🙋🏻‍♂️

In reality, this approach may require repeated practice to get the hang of it. We should be disciplined about switching on and off every 8-hour part, so one part doesn't spill into the next. Yet, at the same time, a degree of flexibility is also necessary. We may need to readjust the timeline or positioning for special cases, especially within the work hours window. Is the load of a job heavier than usual, physically or mentally? Then, it's wise to extend the break duration to ensure it doesn't exceed our capabilities. ⏱️⏳

Australia's health services echo and complement the 8-8-8 rule with their own advice. Their site reaffirms the importance of planning and exercising the right time management that suits your work-life circumstances. Likewise, it points out that we need to find the "perfect" ways through runs and reviews. Several additional pieces of advice enhance the rule even more, though. 😀

Little changes, such as shopping online, working from home, or organizing remote meetings, can reduce the significant time spent commuting. I can attest to this, as attending my current art project alone already swallows around 2 hours of my day, to and fro, not counting the hours on location. 🚌🏃🏻

Boundaries, too, are essential. Yes, we're connected almost 24/7 thanks to the advancement of the digital era. However, that doesn't always need to be the case, too! Social media will not go anywhere if we don't visit them. They'll still be there, endlessly scrolling through their toxic reels. Going fully off the grid, or at least firmly resolute not to accept work-related communication once we're beyond office hours, is ALWAYS an option. 🌐❌

More importantly, if our office doesn't support that, nor our well-being? Probably it's no longer the place where we should pour our efforts. Know and embrace our values and worth. If we enjoy our work, then the likelihood of it driving us into depression would be minimal. And even when there are unpleasant challenges, we will likely stay motivated to stay there anyway. Particularly, if the place can maintain a welcoming and supportive atmosphere from our co-workers or leaders. 🏢🤗

A Little Thing Called "Doing Nothing"

The final point on the Health Direct site is "Have downtime." Honestly, reading the closing example tickled my giggle. It reminded me of an essay by Robyne Hanley-Dafoe in Psychology Today. 

Despite my instant lighthearted response, that isn't exactly a laughable matter. "Doing Nothing" is a real, beneficial thing! For one, it DOES fit into the 8 hours of leisure activity rule. It's nice that the essay wisely compares it to athletes and recovery time. Without ample recovery time, anyone engaging in prolonged physical activity will only have an increased risk of injuries. Been there, done that. 🤕😵

The key lies in the keyword "Nothing." In general, it usually means "the complete absence of anything, as the opposite of something and an antithesis of everything." But here's the twisted truth that's been argued by as far back as early Greek Philosophers: Nothing is never really nothing. In the case of human activities, that may indeed be the fact. 🤔

Just think about it. Even if someone calls and asks us, "What are you doing?" Providing "Nothing" as an answer doesn't necessarily mean we're non-functional like a smartphone that runs out of battery or a robot whose power source is turned OFF. During that state, what we "proclaim" as "nothing" may be resting on our laurels on the sofa, silently exchanging blinks and beams with our furry or feathered family members, and even the act of replying to that message. Eating a snack while pondering about how to "Try to take over the world" is most definitely NOT nothing. 👀🤣

Funnily enough, I used to think the opposite. Once, when I told my friend that I felt tired that week, he proposed, "Maybe you were too busy." In my head, I wasn't busy at all, as I didn't produce any significant results. At the time, I associated my activities with "not being productive." Researching and reading materials for my writing, doing Friends Quest on the language app, and replying to letters from my pen pals didn't "feel" like being busy. To me, it felt more like "doing nothing." But after I explained what I'd been doing, my friend replied, "So, yeah, you WERE busy all along." 😱😅

That might have been a poor example, I admit. But seriously, doing nothing always means we are doing something, just in a more relaxed manner. And that necessary downtime is often the peace and quiet our bodies need. 😴🎲

Writer Oliver Burkeman wrote for The Guardian a decade ago, "Too much busyness is counterproductive." Considering how I literally (physically) and figuratively (mentally and emotionally) crashed by forcing myself to stay busy to suppress my grief? Yes, Burkeman's words ring oh, so painfully true. I wasn't alone. Emma Gannon shared with the BBC that she, too, learned it the hard way. Apparently, my entire generation is the same, to the point that we have been branded a burnout generation. Ouch, that burns! That's how the likes of #SlowLiving and Quiet Quitting became a thing, I guess. 🤨🤷🏻‍♂️

In all honesty, doing nothing is not a bad thing. By doing so, we can brighten our brains or strengthen our bonds with the people we care about. It doesn't need an expensive escape to a hidden resort or anything luxurious. Talking about the daily dillydallies with the family while relaxing in a garden helps maintain the moment with them. A casual walk to the mall with friends, without any particular intention, can sometimes spark new fun ideas. Playing Pokémon games may end up leading to several writings that Google Gemini reviewed as "TOO DETAILED." Mwahaha. 😜

So, yeah. Try doing nothing for a change! It might just save a life. Your own, specifically. 😌🙏🏻

A Balancing Act of Balance

As I've started typing this final part of this piece, my mind can't help but wonder. "My goodness, this has gotten longer than I planned. AGAIN! Arrrghhh!" 🤦🏻‍♂️

Hahaha, okay, definitely not just that. "Have I achieved this so-called balance I talked about?" and "Have I, at least, juggled things better since my last post?" 🤔

My answer to both is no. Or perhaps, not yet. I'm still fumbling my way, figuring out a better time allocation system that will meet my needs. While it's a small step so far, I've cut back on a few activities, so my days don't feel too overwhelming. There might be some more down the line. I'm also working on pacing my progress without being too hard on myself if I can't complete everything. All in all, it's a constant work in progress, and that, in itself, is a good thing! 😉👍🏻

Hey! The fact that I'm here, writing again, and posting another piece after weeks of absence? That's something, eh? 😅

It's imperative that we understand and ultimately accept that being human means being limited. There's only so much that we can do or handle in one day. Even the most capable multitasker would know to take on things that won't exceed their limits. 🙆🏻‍♂️🙅🏻‍♀️

Such a limit applies to both the body and the brain. In the second episode of Brilliant Minds Season 2, Zachary Quinto's Oliver Wolf summed it nicely, 

"A big breakup, going through the IVF process, working too hard, not sleeping enough, with huge hormonal fluctuations that provoke the worry, the stress, and the tonnage of those elements created a perfect storm for a mental break for you. You put enough pressure on a bone, and it will break. The brain is just as fragile. It can only take so much."

We should never forget that perfection is subjective and that comparing our limits to others' is futile. It's perfectly OKAY to NOT be perfect. 👌🏻💯

The overall desire for balance is, fittingly, a balancing act on its own. Focusing on our top priorities, ones that don't sacrifice quality time for ourselves and our loved ones, can provide the pointers to do so. It's all about ensuring that our work/job, physical rest, and downtime are in tandem with one another. And that such a delicate composition helps keep us in check, in health and happiness, without breaking us down into pieces. ❤️☺️

October 10 has been declared World Mental Health Day since 1992. So, if you can, try making your mental health a priority. And if you haven't, start today! Aim for the balance that feels right in your life. It'll do you good in the long run. More importantly, may it lead you to your own Perfectly Balanced way, even when life adds a bit of weight. 🙆🏻‍♂️⚖️🤷🏻‍♂️

YOU GOT THIS! 😉👍🏻

(Source: ChatGPT)

Friends for Life, Not Just a Summer or a Spring

After taking some time off to focus on my health, followed by a couple of weeks of technical hurdles (internet issues 🤦🏻‍♂️) among others (extended writer's block 😩), this derailed and delayed piece is finally here. 🙏🏻

Writing is like that, I suppose? We can't just write when mental fogs are clouding our brains. Honestly, though, I'm not fully convinced this piece has expelled any traces of them. Somehow, it was so slow, even slower than usual, getting back into my headspace. Also, the fact that English is not my first language didn't help, as I had to restart my thought process in a literal daze. But at least I’m well enough to get back to my regular programming. So, bear with me if this ever feels choppy. 🙇🏻‍♂️

"I Don't Have to Say a Word to You"

What did you just say? Did you think the title for this one sounds cool? Well, thank you. Even so, I won't take any credit for it. Such a poetic line only instantly came to mind while I was preparing the first draft of this. Or, to be precise, the post that split into two—the first one published precisely two months ago, with this one serving as the second part. Eventually, I decided to preserve the sentence as the title as well. 🤭👍🏻

Anyone who grew up in the 90s is probably already familiar with the source of that line. But if you were born in the late 2000s or later, the line probably doesn't quite strike a chord, despite having been covered by newer recording artists up to 2020. Indeed, it originated from a famous song. And this is the song I'm referring to:

(Source: Olympics)

Sarah Brightman and José Carreras performed this timeless classic during the closing ceremony for the 1992 Summer Olympics in Barcelona. That's 33 years ago, eh? I feel so old. Hahaha. 👴🏻😅

Andrew Lloyd Webber composed the song, with Don Black writing the lyrics. It gained more popularity due to the upbeat cover version by the Spanish music group Los Manolos. 🎤🎶

The song title "Amigos Para Siempre" also served as the grand motto of the grand sports event. If you're like yours truly, aware of even basic Spanish, that title should make sense right away. It means "Friends for Life"—a simple yet profound statement that mattered more than it seemed poetically. 🙏🧡

In what way? The 1992 Summer Olympics were a return to form following the end of more than 40 years of the Cold War. South Africa was also in the process of dismantling its Apartheid law (the new era, marked with Freedom Day, hadn't even begun until two years later). However, the country could already rejoin the Olympics at the time. It might not be wrong to say the world was in a "better place" that year, and the grand event symbolized a reunion of countries and all things good again. 🗺️🎉

Those were just some of the notable reasons many praised the Barcelona Games and why the legacy is still remembered to this day—including the motto and anthem, naturally! Of course, I don't have to say a word more about history. That's also not my field of expertise. Instead, this song came to light because of its theme: friendship. More importantly, true friendship. 👥🧡

"You Seem to Know Whatever Mood I'm Going Through"

Initially, the whole exploration of loneliness was the first half of this piece about friendship. But as you might have sensed or read, that belonged in its own space. Posting that first part was nothing breezy. And after finalizing and publishing it, I still ran into articles that further opened my eyes to the facets of loneliness, whether it's the ordinary or something much deeper. 😟

In this one, I'm shifting the focus to one of the remedies for such a heavy struggle. One solution to counter one's loneliness is by having a good support system. Still, as I also pointed out in the same post, this isn't as easy as it sounds. 🙄😞

People call themselves lonely for various valid reasons. One is the ironic lack of friends to confide in or even interact with. Via Big Think, Richard Reeves declared this situation the friendship recession. And let's be real. Nowadays, that has already stood out as a glaring issue. Making friends can be a challenge on its own. In certain cases, the choice to dismiss the idea of having any friends may even be considered acceptable—or make more sense. 🤔🤷🏻

Unsurprisingly, friendship also doesn't become easier as we grow up. Somehow, childhood innocence helps simplify the connection process. But maturing usually heralds the arrival of bigger roles, heavier responsibilities, broader focuses, which eventually push our carefree innocence away. Without realizing it, we start to feel we've aged out of friendship. Trying to relive those fond feelings may seem like an equally herculean task. 🚸🚫

It doesn't help that the modern world doesn't, well, "help" with that innocent desire. The world is not always kind to everyone, despite seemingly otherwise. Derek Thompson, also on Big Think, proposed that this era we're living in now is the Anti-Social Century. He does have a point. Over time, society has become accustomed to choosing aloneness. The advancement of technology has created a bizarre progression: the more it helps simplify our lives, the more it seduces us into solitude, whether we want it or not. 🤦🏻‍♂️🙅‍♀️

Such growth of access poses a second side effect. Much like how love has often been romanticized, friendship isn't any different. We've been conditioned by TV shows, movies, or novels—now only a click away on our palms—about how the ideal friendship plays out. There's a surreal sense of illusion from these works of fiction that may have polluted our perceptions, whereas real life doesn't necessarily behave that way. ✨🤩

I'm not gonna lie, I fell (and likely still fall, now and then) into that exact mindset. Sometimes, a random encounter with someone with such a sunny personality and charisma can put me in a frenzy. I instantly wish to be friends with that person, and, in that state of elation, I usually end up becoming too passive-aggressive. If this is a rom-com, the whole interaction usually (or at least eventually) leads to a happy ending as quickly as the next episode. But in actual life? Any relationship, including friendship, needs to be a two-way, mutual, and not one-sided exchange. ⚖️🤝

That's the thing, though. It takes time to let real friendship simmer in a pot, building up into a solid block. And by real, that refers to the people who will know what we feel, or whatever mood we're feeling, even without a verbal announcement from our mouth or body language. That kind of friendship feels somewhat impossible to achieve immediately. How could that even happen if people are too glued to their phones instead of observing others' physical emotions, anyway? 🙄🤳🏻

In most cases, instant treatment would not work for friendship, even if we live in an "everything is instant" world. Seriously, it takes mere seconds to "Add" someone as a "Friend." But it also takes the same amount of time to "Unfriend," without any warning, explanations, or a proper goodbye. Can we even call that friendship? More like Fake Friendship! Fakeship? 😅

"The Way I Feel and How the World is Treating Me"

Aaah, Fake Friends! That unique convergent variety DOES exist. They are people who swoop in, fast and furious, for the sake of their personal gains. If they have anything they need from us, then it's certain they are always around. They would be on our side when we're on top of the world, only to vanish without a trace once we're stuck in a rut. Some even rub more salt into our wound, as their intention to befriend us was never pure or out of the goodness of their heart. 😈💔

These devils in angelic disguise generally inflict more harm on someone's mental state than people assume. It's a blatant form of betrayal that casts and spreads doubts on the pure meaning of friendship. The phenomenon is so widespread that Psych2Go published a video dedicated to overcoming the negative side effects of Fake Friends.

(Source: Psych2Go)

I can attest to that from my experiences, having encountered different kinds of fake friends (regrettably, maybe a little more often than I would have wished 😣). Because of people like those, I once stopped believing in real friendship for a lengthy period of my life. It took a while to restore my faith in humanity. 😥😌

Still, that doesn't automatically mean EVERY friendship is bad, more so, evil. Friends come in various forms and shapes. Please don't forget that genuine connections can transcend species. Your bond with your animal companions, or even Mother Nature, is a form of friendship, too. 🦮🌅

But if we're limiting it to ones with another human being? As much as none of us will ever be a carbon copy of another person, the same fact ripples to how unique they can be as a friend. Each individual we encounter will offer a distinct style or flavor of friendship to the table. 🌻🌳

One friend probably keeps us updated through constant mentions on social media. Some may take days to reply to our messages, yet they always come through. Others take longer to check in (perhaps weeks, if not months!), but never truly drift apart. While a few light up our rooms with their sunny presence, the introverts think and keep us in their prayers from the shadows of silence. Perhaps they even overthink our well-being each night prior to sleep. I mean, that's something you can expect me to do. Ahahaha. 😅

Watch these short movies, starring the talented Lewis Pullman, as a nice example. In the poignant first movie, Guzzle Buddies, we can witness the varying ways people act under the banner of friendship. Some would go to lengths to be there for their friend, while others don't reciprocate that care in the same way.

(Source: No Budge)

The second short, The Voice in Your Head, depicts a different scenario. In this twist of a story, we can observe how—despite plenty of ignorant people surrounding the main character—one steps up above the rest as a good person. On top of that, there's a bigger surprise down the line. Someone so annoyingly critical and negative (depicted as the "inner voice" here) doesn't necessarily mean they are a fake friend. Instead, that kind of blatant, harsh honesty may be precisely what the main character needs.

(Source: Shorts of the Week)

Likewise, each of us has our own criteria for what constitutes a good friend. Maybe one prefers a person who openly professes their care? Who can catch our mood just by sensing the subtle changes in communication? It's also not wrong to choose ones who tend to overshare. They can be more appealing, as they orbit around us with sheer honesty and zero filters! Or perhaps the opposite of those is more desired: someone who may be emotionally unavailable? To connect in mutual silence that respects and values space and privacy more than ever, even if that might be considered a red flag in general. 🤔💡

In short, for every fake friend, there will be a good one, too! And eventually, we will know how to decide the ideal ones that better fit our personalities. The ones who will treat us with care, dignity, and heart—or the ones who feel for our feelings. Don't forget! NOT being a fake friend would, and SHOULD, still be the bare minimum in any option. 👎🏼👍🏻

"I Feel You Near Me Even When We Are Apart"

Like the multitudes of nature of its participants, friendship does not happen on fixed timelines or circumstances either. There's no dictating how it plays out. It comes and goes on its own accord. Some bonds happen almost instantly upon a chance encounter. It's as if the universe has aligned two soulmates at the same time and space. For others, such a connection may take months, if not years, to finally develop. 🕰️📅

Actors Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie met in 2013, in the production of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. In that action espionage movie, they acted as adversaries connected to the titular character. The characters' interaction soon evolved into a blossoming but budding rivalry that catapulted itself into one of the most iconic bromances in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Mirroring such a deep on-screen bond, Sebastian and Anthony have been close friends until now. They continue cheering and supporting one another despite being busy with their own projects. 🙌🏻🤝🏼🙌🏾

Writer and producer Tina Fey, with fellow actor and comedian Steve Carell, are a good example that helps prove the extreme. People might have assumed Hollywood's renowned would have been closely involved for a long time. They did star in a comedy movie together! Well, believe it or not (I'm being sarcastic 😂), they are human beings like us. In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly to promote their new comedy-drama series, The Four Seasons, both shared how it took them not 1, or 3, but 15 long years to become friends. Despite their brilliance in drawing laughter from the audience, their shared shyness built an invisible wall that kept them at bay. ⛔😄

If both modern friendships above emerged from the glitz and glam, a completely different scenario occurred for Kosuzu Harada. Her empowering friendship with Ari Beser started through an uneasy, harrowing, raw connection that dated back to 1945. Kosuzu's grandfather survived the atomic bombs (yes, plural!) that decimated Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Ari's grandfather, on the other hand? He was the "hero" pilot who dropped the bomb. 💥😱

In a troubling era where people and communities everywhere are easily divided by hatred toward simple differences, Kosuzu and Ari prove that friendship flourishes regardless of race, language barriers, and painful history. Their unlikely 2013 meeting turned into a bond of trust and respect united by a shared dream—one that may not forget or forgive the past, but forge a better future for the next generation. 🕊️🙏

(Source: NHK-World Japan)

Besides race or language, location is often mentioned as a possible challenge to forming lasting friendships. Fascinatingly, that's not always the case. That’s no longer the case, thanks to technology. Good friends can still find themselves near despite being physically apart. 👋🏻💻

London-based science writer David Robson first met Palermo native, cultural journalist Alessia Franco, in a remote Italian village. The Mediterranean meeting was worked out merely for the sake of work. However, months later, that seemingly small seed of encounter sprouted into a deeper connection. 🌱🌲

Since then, David and Alessia have proclaimed each other as siblings. They have written together, frequently brainstorming ideas, and maintained a close connection. What's so great about this bond? The two RARELY met in person. They stay connected from the comfort of their homes in their respective countries! 🔗🌍

As the fifth, final, and finest example, it would be remiss not to include a much-loved religious figure who the world sadly lost on April 21, 2025. The late Jorge Mario Bergoglio, or as we've known him more as Pope Francis, was praised as a gentle "friend of the poor, the dispossessed, and the marginalized" by many. And that was not just sugarcoating things. Pope Francis equally encouraged Christians around the world to do the same—to be a friend for those in need, regardless of differences. 💛🌐

The late Pope Francis served as the perfect paradigm of the motto and anthem I chose as the title. How so? Anyone who followed the public Funeral Mass procession would notice one person who likely stole everyone's attention: French-Argentine nun Geneviève Jeanningros. ✝️

It didn't take a genius to understand that Pope Francis and Sister Jeanningros shared a genuine friendship, having delivered close to 20 years of services amongst the poor together. The late Pope even had a playful nickname for her, a symbol of her strong character. With that in mind, the Vatican allowed Sister Jeanningros to pay her respects closely. ⚰️⛪

Some stated it was an unusual exception, but I digress. That day, that week, the world lost a leader and an inspiring icon. However, Sister Jeanningros lost more than any of those. She lost her best friend. Friends for life, literally speaking, indeed. 👋🏻😢

(Source: The Independent)

"And We'll Share More, My Friend, We Haven't Started Yet"

Friendship is a complex construct, a concept that's continually tested through trial and error. The thing is, to some, it doesn't exist. No, maybe the more optimistic wording is "it hasn't started just yet." 😌🙏🏻

Circling back to the earlier points, true friendship has become harder to find. Otherwise, the loneliness epidemic I explored before wouldn’t exist, much less be on the rise. Would you agree? Trust has become a fragile commodity these days. To reiterate, friendship still counts as a relationship with others, without the added romance. It requires both parties—or at least one of them—to let their guard down and prepare for any consequences that may result. No doubt, it can be a scary process. While it can do good to our mental health, there's still the risk that it may hurt us instead. 😈😨

As such, I'm arguably NOT surprised that many, not just a few, are wary about it. Hence, they prefer the comfort of solitude, away from any possible drama. Well, there's nothing wrong with choosing that path, either! The kindest person doesn't always need many friends by default. Someone who seems like the life of the parties may turn out to be a pure lone wolf who only opens up with a select few, if anyone, at all. In fact, I've encountered plenty on social media who are proudly friendless and fine. For the same reason, engaging with AI services has also gained traction. Admittedly, it does sound too good to be true, as AI chatbots can be eerily supportive, attuned to the client's personality traits. On paper, at least. 👍🏻🤷🏻

But on the other side of the table, there are those who want, nope, CRAVE to have actual, physical friends. Alas, somehow, that seems like a daunting desire to fulfill to them. No matter how open they are to the idea, it hasn't materialized in real life. This fickle fact applies to any gender, despite the issue being more prominently reported among men. 😔🙇

The thing is, sometimes our minds are constrained by a specific ideal of friendship that ends up clouding our understanding of the matter. St.Denis Medical hilariously touched on this sensitive situation in episode 16 of its first season. 😉

Wendi McLendon-Covey's Joyce, the titular hospital's executive director, had this misguided perception of her acquaintance with Haneefah Wood's Megan. Megan, a pharmaceutical representative, approached Joyce as part of her work. However, Joyce assumed differently, thinking they were close friends, and not just business associates. Long story short (go watch the show, it's a delight!), the entire commotion with Megan over a new medical product helped Joyce understand who her real friend has been all along. 

While the episode was played for laughs, I think many of us may also relate to such an unfortunate reality, since we've all been in Joyce's shoes at some point in our lives. What I grasped and further stressed from that episode: we must train ourselves to have an open mind. As I detailed above, the type of friendships that can arrive on our doorsteps–virtual or literal–don't always fit with the image we prefer/have planted in our minds. The real deal can be completely different. By shifting our expectations, we may realize that, surprisingly enough, making friends isn't as difficult or elusive as we thought. Sometimes, it's already there in plain sight. 🤭🙆

In case you're thinking, "Easy for you to say!" No, once again, I wouldn't dare to claim or even pretend that I'm a pro when it comes to friendship. Quite the contrary, I've been in a spot where I actually lost faith in friendship–a fact I've openly mentioned earlier. Seriously, though, if I could change my views and believe in friendship again, then anyone, especially you, should be able to do the same. 👏🏻😀

There are various ways or methods to explore, which can help you plant the seeds of new friendships. It doesn't even require living next door, like those neighboring kids during your childhood. By optimizing the benefits of technology, you can build a bond and stay connected with someone from the other side of the globe! Who knows? That may even be your confidants for decades ahead. How about seeking and reaching out to an old friend, someone who left an unforgettable footprint on your heart? Maybe, they can reclaim their spot as one of your best friends in the long run! 🏆🥇

(Source: CBC Docs)

Of course, friendship is not a one-man show. It takes effort, even if it seems small and trivial, to keep alive. Kosuzu Harada and Ari Beser demonstrated that sincere, open communication can unite two seemingly opposing parties. Had none of them taken the leap of faith, trapped in the confines of their families' past, their friendship would never have happened. In response to Robin Dunbar's research about the pillars of friendship, David Robson and Alessia Franco jointly wrote, 

"Regular conversation–either face-to-face or remotely–predicts which friends are most likely to endure, but just as important are joint activities. Persevering on the same task appears to build a stronger sense of unity than talk for its own sake. Those joint tasks don't necessarily involve being in the same location, as our experience shows." 

Oh, but just to be clear, this isn't a master class on being a perfect friend. I doubt anyone can be one. Honestly, I will never consider myself as one. Perhaps even the opposite, as proven by the non-ghosts who have ghosted me. 👻😅👻

Just like you, I'm still working on my skills, slowly learning to, at the very least, be a decent friend to others. In fact, it's ongoing progress, a journey that can be as dynamic as a dream. You may never know if it's good or bad, maybe only a daydream in a delirious daze that doesn't truly happen once it dawns on you. 🏃🏻💭

We're all in this together, really. To try our best to be a friend to someone or welcome a friend. And once that's achieved, aim toward being a good friend. Over time? To grow and inspire as a better friend. You can start now, if you haven't yet! More importantly, you don't need to be a perfect friend to have the perfect friend. All you need to be is yourself and accept others for who they are, too. That alone is perfection in its own way. 😏💯

"Just Knowing You Are in This World Can Warm My Heart"

So, rejoice if you have people who want you as their friend. And trust me, you will know it when you do. Celebrate if you have a good person as a dear friend. Yes, you'll also know it when you do. 🙆🏾‍♀️🙋🏻‍♂️👀

But don't despair if you haven't found one. There's a time for everything. Patience leads to the right payoff, and good things come to those who wait. Stay calm and kind, and keep an open mind. You can start simple by paying more attention to your surroundings instead of your phone. Then again, maybe you need not look so hard, either. That one true friend you're looking for may already be a message away. 😉📱

When Don Quixote met Sancho Panza, he only needed a squire. Someone for hire, but not to be a friend. Then, over time, their bond began to grow, as they supported and changed each other. In the end, the loyal Sancho became the "perfect friendship" for Quixote, so much more than the Don could've asked for. Maybe your Quixote or Sancho is already on your side right now. It just needs time, attention, and a regular sprinkle of loyalty to let your bond with them evolve. 💛⏳🧡

The bottom line is that friendship may not be as magical as written in the words of fiction. And yet, a true one, at that, is also NOT impossible. Not every friendship lasts forever. That's a harsh reality we must accept and endure. But some, even if they often appear later in our lives, do. 📚⏳

When that happens, we will realize: it's a life-changing blessing. That friendship is real. And it is NOT a fairy tale. 😌🤗

"Amigos Para Siempre.... Means You'll Always be My Friend."

(Source: Andrew Lloyd Webber Musicals)

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Dedicated to my friends across time zones and continents.

Thank you for your kind friendships that have kept me alive through my darkest days.