After taking some time off to focus on my health, followed by a couple of weeks of technical hurdles (internet issues 🤦🏻♂️) among others (extended writer's block 😩), this derailed and delayed piece is finally here. 🙏🏻
Writing is like that, I suppose? We can't just write when mental fogs are clouding our brains. Honestly, though, I'm not fully convinced this piece has expelled any traces of them. Somehow, it was so slow, even slower than usual, getting back into my headspace. Also, the fact that English is not my first language didn't help, as I had to restart my thought process in a literal daze. But at least I’m well enough to get back to my regular programming. So, bear with me if this ever feels choppy. 🙇🏻♂️
"I Don't Have to Say a Word to You"
What did you just say? Did you think the title for this one sounds cool? Well, thank you. Even so, I won't take any credit for it. Such a poetic line only instantly came to mind while I was preparing the first draft of this. Or, to be precise, the post that split into two—the first one published precisely two months ago, with this one serving as the second part. Eventually, I decided to preserve the sentence as the title as well. 🤭👍🏻
Anyone who grew up in the 90s is probably already familiar with the source of that line. But if you were born in the late 2000s or later, the line probably doesn't quite strike a chord, despite having been covered by newer recording artists up to 2020. Indeed, it originated from a famous song. And this is the song I'm referring to:
Sarah Brightman and José Carreras performed this timeless classic during the closing ceremony for the 1992 Summer Olympics in Barcelona. That's 33 years ago, eh? I feel so old. Hahaha. 👴🏻😅
Andrew Lloyd Webber composed the song, with Don Black writing the lyrics. It gained more popularity due to the upbeat cover version by the Spanish music group Los Manolos. 🎤🎶
The song title "Amigos Para Siempre" also served as the grand motto of the grand sports event. If you're like yours truly, aware of even basic Spanish, that title should make sense right away. It means "Friends for Life"—a simple yet profound statement that mattered more than it seemed poetically. 🙏🧡
In what way? The 1992 Summer Olympics were a return to form following the end of more than 40 years of the Cold War. South Africa was also in the process of dismantling its Apartheid law (the new era, marked with Freedom Day, hadn't even begun until two years later). However, the country could already rejoin the Olympics at the time. It might not be wrong to say the world was in a "better place" that year, and the grand event symbolized a reunion of countries and all things good again. 🗺️🎉
Those were just some of the notable reasons many praised the Barcelona Games and why the legacy is still remembered to this day—including the motto and anthem, naturally! Of course, I don't have to say a word more about history. That's also not my field of expertise. Instead, this song came to light because of its theme: friendship. More importantly, true friendship. 👥🧡
"You Seem to Know Whatever Mood I'm Going Through"
Initially, the whole exploration of loneliness was the first half of this piece about friendship. But as you might have sensed or read, that belonged in its own space. Posting that first part was nothing breezy. And after finalizing and publishing it, I still ran into articles that further opened my eyes to the facets of loneliness, whether it's the ordinary or something much deeper. 😟
In this one, I'm shifting the focus to one of the remedies for such a heavy struggle. One solution to counter one's loneliness is by having a good support system. Still, as I also pointed out in the same post, this isn't as easy as it sounds. 🙄😞
People call themselves lonely for various valid reasons. One is the ironic lack of friends to confide in or even interact with. Via Big Think, Richard Reeves declared this situation the friendship recession. And let's be real. Nowadays, that has already stood out as a glaring issue. Making friends can be a challenge on its own. In certain cases, the choice to dismiss the idea of having any friends may even be considered acceptable—or make more sense. 🤔🤷🏻
Unsurprisingly, friendship also doesn't become easier as we grow up. Somehow, childhood innocence helps simplify the connection process. But maturing usually heralds the arrival of bigger roles, heavier responsibilities, broader focuses, which eventually push our carefree innocence away. Without realizing it, we start to feel we've aged out of friendship. Trying to relive those fond feelings may seem like an equally herculean task. 🚸🚫
It doesn't help that the modern world doesn't, well, "help" with that innocent desire. The world is not always kind to everyone, despite seemingly otherwise. Derek Thompson, also on Big Think, proposed that this era we're living in now is the Anti-Social Century. He does have a point. Over time, society has become accustomed to choosing aloneness. The advancement of technology has created a bizarre progression: the more it helps simplify our lives, the more it seduces us into solitude, whether we want it or not. 🤦🏻♂️🙅♀️
Such growth of access poses a second side effect. Much like how love has often been romanticized, friendship isn't any different. We've been conditioned by TV shows, movies, or novels—now only a click away on our palms—about how the ideal friendship plays out. There's a surreal sense of illusion from these works of fiction that may have polluted our perceptions, whereas real life doesn't necessarily behave that way. ✨🤩
I'm not gonna lie, I fell (and likely still fall, now and then) into that exact mindset. Sometimes, a random encounter with someone with such a sunny personality and charisma can put me in a frenzy. I instantly wish to be friends with that person, and, in that state of elation, I usually end up becoming too passive-aggressive. If this is a rom-com, the whole interaction usually (or at least eventually) leads to a happy ending as quickly as the next episode. But in actual life? Any relationship, including friendship, needs to be a two-way, mutual, and not one-sided exchange. ⚖️🤝
That's the thing, though. It takes time to let real friendship simmer in a pot, building up into a solid block. And by real, that refers to the people who will know what we feel, or whatever mood we're feeling, even without a verbal announcement from our mouth or body language. That kind of friendship feels somewhat impossible to achieve immediately. How could that even happen if people are too glued to their phones instead of observing others' physical emotions, anyway? 🙄🤳🏻
In most cases, instant treatment would not work for friendship, even if we live in an "everything is instant" world. Seriously, it takes mere seconds to "Add" someone as a "Friend." But it also takes the same amount of time to "Unfriend," without any warning, explanations, or a proper goodbye. Can we even call that friendship? More like Fake Friendship! Fakeship? 😅
"The Way I Feel and How the World is Treating Me"
Aaah, Fake Friends! That unique convergent variety DOES exist. They are people who swoop in, fast and furious, for the sake of their personal gains. If they have anything they need from us, then it's certain they are always around. They would be on our side when we're on top of the world, only to vanish without a trace once we're stuck in a rut. Some even rub more salt into our wound, as their intention to befriend us was never pure or out of the goodness of their heart. 😈💔
These devils in angelic disguise generally inflict more harm on someone's mental state than people assume. It's a blatant form of betrayal that casts and spreads doubts on the pure meaning of friendship. The phenomenon is so widespread that Psych2Go published a video dedicated to overcoming the negative side effects of Fake Friends.
I can attest to that from my experiences, having encountered different kinds of fake friends (regrettably, maybe a little more often than I would have wished 😣). Because of people like those, I once stopped believing in real friendship for a lengthy period of my life. It took a while to restore my faith in humanity. 😥😌
Still, that doesn't automatically mean EVERY friendship is bad, more so, evil. Friends come in various forms and shapes. Please don't forget that genuine connections can transcend species. Your bond with your animal companions, or even Mother Nature, is a form of friendship, too. 🦮🌅
But if we're limiting it to ones with another human being? As much as none of us will ever be a carbon copy of another person, the same fact ripples to how unique they can be as a friend. Each individual we encounter will offer a distinct style or flavor of friendship to the table. 🌻🌳
One friend probably keeps us updated through constant mentions on social media. Some may take days to reply to our messages, yet they always come through. Others take longer to check in (perhaps weeks, if not months!), but never truly drift apart. While a few light up our rooms with their sunny presence, the introverts think and keep us in their prayers from the shadows of silence. Perhaps they even overthink our well-being each night prior to sleep. I mean, that's something you can expect me to do. Ahahaha. 😅
Watch these short movies, starring the talented Lewis Pullman, as a nice example. In the poignant first movie, Guzzle Buddies, we can witness the varying ways people act under the banner of friendship. Some would go to lengths to be there for their friend, while others don't reciprocate that care in the same way.
The second short, The Voice in Your Head, depicts a different scenario. In this twist of a story, we can observe how—despite plenty of ignorant people surrounding the main character—one steps up above the rest as a good person. On top of that, there's a bigger surprise down the line. Someone so annoyingly critical and negative (depicted as the "inner voice" here) doesn't necessarily mean they are a fake friend. Instead, that kind of blatant, harsh honesty may be precisely what the main character needs.
Likewise, each of us has our own criteria for what constitutes a good friend. Maybe one prefers a person who openly professes their care? Who can catch our mood just by sensing the subtle changes in communication? It's also not wrong to choose ones who tend to overshare. They can be more appealing, as they orbit around us with sheer honesty and zero filters! Or perhaps the opposite of those is more desired: someone who may be emotionally unavailable? To connect in mutual silence that respects and values space and privacy more than ever, even if that might be considered a red flag in general. 🤔💡
In short, for every fake friend, there will be a good one, too! And eventually, we will know how to decide the ideal ones that better fit our personalities. The ones who will treat us with care, dignity, and heart—or the ones who feel for our feelings. Don't forget! NOT being a fake friend would, and SHOULD, still be the bare minimum in any option. 👎🏼👍🏻
"I Feel You Near Me Even When We Are Apart"
Like the multitudes of nature of its participants, friendship does not happen on fixed timelines or circumstances either. There's no dictating how it plays out. It comes and goes on its own accord. Some bonds happen almost instantly upon a chance encounter. It's as if the universe has aligned two soulmates at the same time and space. For others, such a connection may take months, if not years, to finally develop. 🕰️📅
Actors Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie met in 2013, in the production of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. In that action espionage movie, they acted as adversaries connected to the titular character. The characters' interaction soon evolved into a blossoming but budding rivalry that catapulted itself into one of the most iconic bromances in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Mirroring such a deep on-screen bond, Sebastian and Anthony have been close friends until now. They continue cheering and supporting one another despite being busy with their own projects. 🙌🏻🤝🏼🙌🏾
Writer and producer Tina Fey, with fellow actor and comedian Steve Carell, are a good example that helps prove the extreme. People might have assumed Hollywood's renowned would have been closely involved for a long time. They did star in a comedy movie together! Well, believe it or not (I'm being sarcastic 😂), they are human beings like us. In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly to promote their new comedy-drama series, The Four Seasons, both shared how it took them not 1, or 3, but 15 long years to become friends. Despite their brilliance in drawing laughter from the audience, their shared shyness built an invisible wall that kept them at bay. ⛔😄
If both modern friendships above emerged from the glitz and glam, a completely different scenario occurred for Kosuzu Harada. Her empowering friendship with Ari Beser started through an uneasy, harrowing, raw connection that dated back to 1945. Kosuzu's grandfather survived the atomic bombs (yes, plural!) that decimated Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Ari's grandfather, on the other hand? He was the "hero" pilot who dropped the bomb. 💥😱
In a troubling era where people and communities everywhere are easily divided by hatred toward simple differences, Kosuzu and Ari prove that friendship flourishes regardless of race, language barriers, and painful history. Their unlikely 2013 meeting turned into a bond of trust and respect united by a shared dream—one that may not forget or forgive the past, but forge a better future for the next generation. 🕊️🙏
Besides race or language, location is often mentioned as a possible challenge to forming lasting friendships. Fascinatingly, that's not always the case. That’s no longer the case, thanks to technology. Good friends can still find themselves near despite being physically apart. 👋🏻💻
London-based science writer David Robson first met Palermo native, cultural journalist Alessia Franco, in a remote Italian village. The Mediterranean meeting was worked out merely for the sake of work. However, months later, that seemingly small seed of encounter sprouted into a deeper connection. 🌱🌲
Since then, David and Alessia have proclaimed each other as siblings. They have written together, frequently brainstorming ideas, and maintained a close connection. What's so great about this bond? The two RARELY met in person. They stay connected from the comfort of their homes in their respective countries! 🔗🌍
As the fifth, final, and finest example, it would be remiss not to include a much-loved religious figure who the world sadly lost on April 21, 2025. The late Jorge Mario Bergoglio, or as we've known him more as Pope Francis, was praised as a gentle "friend of the poor, the dispossessed, and the marginalized" by many. And that was not just sugarcoating things. Pope Francis equally encouraged Christians around the world to do the same—to be a friend for those in need, regardless of differences. 💛🌐
The late Pope Francis served as the perfect paradigm of the motto and anthem I chose as the title. How so? Anyone who followed the public Funeral Mass procession would notice one person who likely stole everyone's attention: French-Argentine nun Geneviève Jeanningros. ✝️
It didn't take a genius to understand that Pope Francis and Sister Jeanningros shared a genuine friendship, having delivered close to 20 years of services amongst the poor together. The late Pope even had a playful nickname for her, a symbol of her strong character. With that in mind, the Vatican allowed Sister Jeanningros to pay her respects closely. ⚰️⛪
Some stated it was an unusual exception, but I digress. That day, that week, the world lost a leader and an inspiring icon. However, Sister Jeanningros lost more than any of those. She lost her best friend. Friends for life, literally speaking, indeed. 👋🏻😢
"And We'll Share More, My Friend, We Haven't Started Yet"
Friendship is a complex construct, a concept that's continually tested through trial and error. The thing is, to some, it doesn't exist. No, maybe the more optimistic wording is "it hasn't started just yet." 😌🙏🏻
Circling back to the earlier points, true friendship has become harder to find. Otherwise, the loneliness epidemic I explored before wouldn’t exist, much less be on the rise. Would you agree? Trust has become a fragile commodity these days. To reiterate, friendship still counts as a relationship with others, without the added romance. It requires both parties—or at least one of them—to let their guard down and prepare for any consequences that may result. No doubt, it can be a scary process. While it can do good to our mental health, there's still the risk that it may hurt us instead. 😈😨
As such, I'm arguably NOT surprised that many, not just a few, are wary about it. Hence, they prefer the comfort of solitude, away from any possible drama. Well, there's nothing wrong with choosing that path, either! The kindest person doesn't always need many friends by default. Someone who seems like the life of the parties may turn out to be a pure lone wolf who only opens up with a select few, if anyone, at all. In fact, I've encountered plenty on social media who are proudly friendless and fine. For the same reason, engaging with AI services has also gained traction. Admittedly, it does sound too good to be true, as AI chatbots can be eerily supportive, attuned to the client's personality traits. On paper, at least. 👍🏻🤷🏻
But on the other side of the table, there are those who want, nope, CRAVE to have actual, physical friends. Alas, somehow, that seems like a daunting desire to fulfill to them. No matter how open they are to the idea, it hasn't materialized in real life. This fickle fact applies to any gender, despite the issue being more prominently reported among men. 😔🙇
The thing is, sometimes our minds are constrained by a specific ideal of friendship that ends up clouding our understanding of the matter. St.Denis Medical hilariously touched on this sensitive situation in episode 16 of its first season. 😉
Wendi McLendon-Covey's Joyce, the titular hospital's executive director, had this misguided perception of her acquaintance with Haneefah Wood's Megan. Megan, a pharmaceutical representative, approached Joyce as part of her work. However, Joyce assumed differently, thinking they were close friends, and not just business associates. Long story short (go watch the show, it's a delight!), the entire commotion with Megan over a new medical product helped Joyce understand who her real friend has been all along.
While the episode was played for laughs, I think many of us may also relate to such an unfortunate reality, since we've all been in Joyce's shoes at some point in our lives. What I grasped and further stressed from that episode: we must train ourselves to have an open mind. As I detailed above, the type of friendships that can arrive on our doorsteps–virtual or literal–don't always fit with the image we prefer/have planted in our minds. The real deal can be completely different. By shifting our expectations, we may realize that, surprisingly enough, making friends isn't as difficult or elusive as we thought. Sometimes, it's already there in plain sight. 🤭🙆
In case you're thinking, "Easy for you to say!" No, once again, I wouldn't dare to claim or even pretend that I'm a pro when it comes to friendship. Quite the contrary, I've been in a spot where I actually lost faith in friendship–a fact I've openly mentioned earlier. Seriously, though, if I could change my views and believe in friendship again, then anyone, especially you, should be able to do the same. 👏🏻😀
There are various ways or methods to explore, which can help you plant the seeds of new friendships. It doesn't even require living next door, like those neighboring kids during your childhood. By optimizing the benefits of technology, you can build a bond and stay connected with someone from the other side of the globe! Who knows? That may even be your confidants for decades ahead. How about seeking and reaching out to an old friend, someone who left an unforgettable footprint on your heart? Maybe, they can reclaim their spot as one of your best friends in the long run! 🏆🥇
Of course, friendship is not a one-man show. It takes effort, even if it seems small and trivial, to keep alive. Kosuzu Harada and Ari Beser demonstrated that sincere, open communication can unite two seemingly opposing parties. Had none of them taken the leap of faith, trapped in the confines of their families' past, their friendship would never have happened. In response to Robin Dunbar's research about the pillars of friendship, David Robson and Alessia Franco jointly wrote,
"Regular conversation–either face-to-face or remotely–predicts which friends are most likely to endure, but just as important are joint activities. Persevering on the same task appears to build a stronger sense of unity than talk for its own sake. Those joint tasks don't necessarily involve being in the same location, as our experience shows."
Oh, but just to be clear, this isn't a master class on being a perfect friend. I doubt anyone can be one. Honestly, I will never consider myself as one. Perhaps even the opposite, as proven by the non-ghosts who have ghosted me. 👻😅👻
Just like you, I'm still working on my skills, slowly learning to, at the very least, be a decent friend to others. In fact, it's ongoing progress, a journey that can be as dynamic as a dream. You may never know if it's good or bad, maybe only a daydream in a delirious daze that doesn't truly happen once it dawns on you. 🏃🏻💭
We're all in this together, really. To try our best to be a friend to someone or welcome a friend. And once that's achieved, aim toward being a good friend. Over time? To grow and inspire as a better friend. You can start now, if you haven't yet! More importantly, you don't need to be a perfect friend to have the perfect friend. All you need to be is yourself and accept others for who they are, too. That alone is perfection in its own way. 😏💯
"Just Knowing You Are in This World Can Warm My Heart"
So, rejoice if you have people who want you as their friend. And trust me, you will know it when you do. Celebrate if you have a good person as a dear friend. Yes, you'll also know it when you do. 🙆🏾♀️🙋🏻♂️👀
But don't despair if you haven't found one. There's a time for everything. Patience leads to the right payoff, and good things come to those who wait. Stay calm and kind, and keep an open mind. You can start simple by paying more attention to your surroundings instead of your phone. Then again, maybe you need not look so hard, either. That one true friend you're looking for may already be a message away. 😉📱
When Don Quixote met Sancho Panza, he only needed a squire. Someone for hire, but not to be a friend. Then, over time, their bond began to grow, as they supported and changed each other. In the end, the loyal Sancho became the "perfect friendship" for Quixote, so much more than the Don could've asked for. Maybe your Quixote or Sancho is already on your side right now. It just needs time, attention, and a regular sprinkle of loyalty to let your bond with them evolve. 💛⏳🧡
The bottom line is that friendship may not be as magical as written in the words of fiction. And yet, a true one, at that, is also NOT impossible. Not every friendship lasts forever. That's a harsh reality we must accept and endure. But some, even if they often appear later in our lives, do. 📚⏳
When that happens, we will realize: it's a life-changing blessing. That friendship is real. And it is NOT a fairy tale. 😌🤗
"Amigos Para Siempre.... Means You'll Always be My Friend."
***
Dedicated to my friends across time zones and continents.
Thank you for your kind friendships that have kept me alive through my darkest days.
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